hallöchen, eure hilfe ist gefordert ;-)

Alles was zum Lernen gehört.
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jetuil15
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hallöchen, eure hilfe ist gefordert ;-)

Beitrag von jetuil15 »

hey ihrs!
wäre nett, wenn ihr mir helfen könntet! hatten heut n text in englisch bekommen und sollten die geschichte weiter schreiben, allerdings stehts bei mit nicht so gut mit zeitformen usw. (?!?!) :-P
Nunja, wäre ganz nett, wenn ihr euch das mal anschaut und mir mögliche Fehler nennt (am besten gleich heut noch, brauchs schon zu morjen :-(....
thanks!!!)
jetuil

With a awfully beating heart I dicided to jump into the room to frightened the offender, but the only who frightened was me. A small mouse rustled in the bin and didn’t come out of it, mabye it climbed the desk beside, lost the hold and fell down.
Relieved, I put the trophy away, next to the door and went to the telefon to call the room service, because never before I liked such animals and I was really happy it didn’t could get out of the bin for the next time.
The telefon rang already three times when I felt something behind and a new wave of fear came over me, so when I turned round it was to late. I only saw, that a person who was unknown to me at this moment hit me with the trophy of Boom Boom.
When I woke up, I didn’t could remember. I closed my eyes again and thought of the dream I had have before. There had been Boom Boom and me in his condo, nobody else had been there when Boom Boom gone to a cupboard to pull out a picture. He shown it and I recognized our aunt Betty. What could that mean?
Suddenly it knocked and aunt Betty came in my room. No - when I looked around I saw that I was at her guestroom on the couch. She brought me warm cookies and milk, smiled at me and said that it’s all right. So what did she mean? Then I remembered of all that had happened, I jumped to one’s feet and wanted to run away because I thought my aunt hit me down, but she took my hand and meant she would me explain everything.
She told me I was found on the floor of Boom Booms condo, but the doctor meant I hadn’t to go to the hospital, so my aunt brought me to her.As I asked why the doctor called her, she become red and after a few seconds she said nobody else had been available. Everything was really mysterious. While she was speaking on I drunk a bit of the milk and I began to fall in sleep, again.
At next time I woke up my mom came in and when she saw me sitting on the couch , she ran to me, hughed and kissed me. A police man went right behind her. I frightend and thought, whether I mabye had drunk to much, again. Could it be that all was only a dream?
Unfortunately no, the two told me my aunt Betty was the offender of everything had happened in the last time. She had killed Boom Boom, the lawyer of him too, and I should be dead also, because she wanted have the estate of Boom Boom, but before, the old will and all who know about it had to be killed.
My aunt was send to prison for the rest of her life because of murder.




Gast
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Beitrag von Gast »

Hi,

sorry, aber dein Text ist zu lang und du hättest diesen wenn dann schon viel (!!) früher hierreinstellen sollen. :!:

Beim Überfliegen des Textes sind mir zwei Fehler aufgefallen:
Wieso schreibst du "aunt" klein, wenn doch der Name dabeisteht?
---> Aunt Becky

Und: Bei "to late" fehlt wohl ein "o"---> too late

CU Ulrike

jetuil15
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Beitrag von jetuil15 »

ja, dacht ich mir auch schon, aber trotzdem danke :D
...dass man z.b "Aunt ..." schreibt wusst ich gar nicht :roll: :wink:
ciao

Gast
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Tipp

Beitrag von Gast »

Hi,

auf unserer Startseite http://www.englisch-hilfen.de findest du unter "Grammatik" usw. bestimmt noch einiges Neues. :idea:
Wenn du willst, kann ich den Text trotzdem bis morgen Abend durchsehen, du musst ja deine Fehler erkennen.


Gib mir bis morgen Bescheid.

CU Ulrike

jetuil15
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Beitrag von jetuil15 »

Das wäre sehr nett, wenn du das noch machen würdest :mrgreen:
Danke schonmal im voraus!!!
jetuil

Gast
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Korrektur

Beitrag von Gast »

Hi jetuil,

hier nun mein Vorschlag. Die fettgedruckten Wörter/Satzabschnitte wurden von mir geändert.

With a awfully beating heart I decidedto jump into the room to scare the offender but the only one who was frightened was me.
A small mouse rustled in the bin but couldn't get out of it . Maybe (neuer Satz) it had climbed on the desk beside, lost its hold an fell down.

Relieved, I put the trophy next to the door and went to the telephone to call the room service. Never in my life I had liked such kinds of animals. I was really happy it wasn't able to come out of the bin for the next time.

The telephone had already been ringing three times when I felt something behind my back and a new wave of fear came over me.
But (neuer Satz) when I turned around it was too late. A strange person hit me with the trophy of Boom Boom.
(logischerer Ablauf).

As I woke up I couldn't remember anything and closed my eyes again. I kept thinking about the dream I had before. There had been Boom Boom and me alone in his condo. Nobody else had been there when Boom Boom walked to the cupboard to pull out a special picture. I recognized Aunt Betty on it. What could that mean?

Suddenly it knocked at the door and Aunt Betty entered my room. I looked around and noticedme lying on the couch of her guestroom. She served me warm cookies and fresh milk, smiled at me
and said everything is alright.
Then I recalled all which had happened and jumped ON ] my [/b] feet
and
intended to run away because I thought my aunt had hit me down. Aunt Betty explained me that I had been found in BB's condo by the doctor. Everything was very mysterious.
Again I fell asleep and when I woke up again my mom came in, ran to me, hugged and kissed me. She was followed by a policeman. Could that all be a dream? Unfortunately not. Betty was the offender and had aimed to possess the entire estate of Boom Boom. Because of murder she was sent to prison for the rest of her life.


Vermeide bitte zu lange Sätze, Wortwiederholungen und versuche durch verschiedene grammatische Strukturen, sowie durch Adjektive mehr Abwechslung in den Text zu bringen. Doch du hast dich sehr bemüht.

CU Ulrike

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