Textkorrektur

[Isi]

Hi,

kann mir bitte jemand diesen text korrigieren?! Macht nichts, wenn es nicht 100prozentig stimmt!

Bear prefers pop-corn!

"At first it was terrible but in the end it was funny", a woman said to a newspaper reporter.
On the city celebration, which took place in Kassel, a lot of people felt the same.
They went there to have fun and they expected a funny evening.
Parents took their children with them because of the carousels but because of the circus, too. This year, it is a big sensation, because the artists want to entrance with a real brown bear. Something like that hadn´t been taken in the past. But the circuspeople had to change their programm because the audience didn´t want to see animals like hares ore something like them.
The kids often asked their parents when the performance was going to begin.
While people were talking with other ones, were eating and drinking, a girl came and said: " I had to warn you, because the brown bear is lost!"
Then the police was called. A voice through the loadspeakers ordered, that all people should leave the place because the police had to catch the bear. But at the same moment the big animal was seen. The people were so shocked, that they couldn´t do or say anything. Nobody made a move. The animal looked dangerous and hungry.
"I thought he would attack a person", a man said. Some people cried. The bear walked through the people but what were he going to do?
The police arrived. They wanted to stop the bear. But the bear has finding what he was saerching for: He stood in front of a cabin and eat pop-corn!Of course, he liked pop-corn!
All the people were relieved. That city celebration will they nerver forget!

Bitte verbessert mir die fehler, die ihr seht! LG

[Cliff]

Hallo Isi

I would commend you to rewrite your text since it has too many mistakes. Sorry to say this, but it's a torture to read.

[Isi]

Ich habe mich eigentlich bemüht, so wenig fehler wie möglich zu machen Ist es für die 9.Klasse wirklich so furchtbar???

kann mir denn jemand die schlimmsten fehler vielleicht berichtigen...ich habe den text doch schon überarbeitet!

ich würde es besser machen wenn ich könnte

ich habe jetzt noch 3 sachen verbessert..tut mir leid...ich weiß nicht weiter

[test]

(und jetzt brauch ich die vergangenheit von must?)

Hast du selbst in einem Satz schon beantwortet
" I had to warn you, because the brown bear is lost!"

Frage: Wieso verwendest du in der ersten Hälfte simple past und dann auf einmal simple present ? Absichtlich?

[Cliff]

Just to mention a few:
- end (not [strike]End[/strike])
- the preterit form of 'feel' is felt
- expect (not [strike]exspect[/strike])
- children (kids is too colloquial)
- in English, there is no comma in front of that
- you have to stick to either past or present tense
- you should avoid repetition (both vocabulary and meaning)
- you should not translate word by word
- use a good English dictionary

[Isi]

ich habe die angesprochenen fehler korrigiert und versucht den ganzen Text in vergangenheit zu setzen!

Könnt ihr mir bitte weitere Fehler benennen?

[Manhattan]

Ich schließe das Thema hinter mir ab. (wegen cross posting)

-Closed-

@ Isi: Du hast eine PN im Postfach.