Formulierung Opinion Essay

[matthias13]

Hallo Leute

Hätte eine Bitte, da ich am Montag Englisch Matura habe und mir noch so unsicher bin bei folgendem Aufsatz.
Haben von der Lehrerin einige Angaben bekommen, von denen dann eine kommt.


“My definition of success is to live your life in a way that causes you to feel a ton of pleasure and very little pain – and because of your lifestyle, have the people around you feel a lot more pleasure than pain.”

Anthony Robbins, American lifecoach
Write an essay (350-400 words) on your opinion concerning successful lifestyles. Your essay should include:

a personal statement on the quotation
Do you agree with A.Robbins? Why/ why not?
a description of the lifestyle(s) that you think may lead to a personal fulfilment
What is your definition of success?
arguments why you regard this/ these lifestyle(s) in a positive light
What is your idea of your future lifestyles?

UND mein Essay:

During the last months I think I have made people feel more pain than pleasure. I am currently in the middle of my A-levels and I am often nervous and stressed. Sometimes I freak out because I am so scared to fail. I have had tantrums, have lost temper easily, have cried and yelled at people I love most. I feel sorry for that, but I know that everything will be fine soon. To be completely honest, I am experiencing very little pleasure, but a lot of pain at the moment. And so are my family and friends. . Once, I have passed my A-levels, I will live again. And the life I will have then will be quite different to the life I have led so far.
The term lifestyle is often heard and read in newspapers, magazines and on TV . Yet, what does “lifestyle” actually mean? I think many people use this word without actually knowing what it really means. . Lifestyle, according to my understanding is reflected in your attitude and expectations of life, your self image and self concept, values and interests. It is also expressed in your behavior and your relationship to other people.
I often dream of a life where I am completely happy and fulfilled. In my opinion a successful lifestyle needs a goal to reach. Every person should have a personal aim. The act of achieving this goal is called a successful lifestyle. My personal target is to have a lovely family, a great house and a job, which makes me personally happy. I don’t want a job, which might be better paid but makes me unhappy. A successful lifestyle means to me to wake up every morning looking forward to the day despite the weather is good or bad. Another important fact of a successful lifestyle is the way you treat other people. If you are jealous of somebody it means that you are not happy with your own life. Furthermore if you treat other people with respect it indicates that you are personally fulfilled.
All in all I can say that I am looking forward to having my own independent life. I know that it’s going to be not easy but I will reach my personal goals for sure.

Bin echt verzweifelt... Will unbedingt einen 1er schaffen.

lg

[Duckduck]

Hi matthias und willkommen im Forum!

Bis auf ein paar Fehlerlein und stilistische Bemerkungen finde ich Deinen Text sprachlich ganz ganz ganz gelungen. Aber inhaltlich bist Du an der Aufgabe noch etwas vorbeigeschrappt, denn Du nimmst überhaupt nicht Stellung zu dem Zitat. Das solltest Du noch nachholen, denn sonst fehlt Deiner Antwort ein zentraler Teil.

Zudem könnte man (inhaltlich) überlegen, ob die Schilderung Deines derzeitigen Nervenzustandes so ausführlich sein sollte. Sie ist menschlich anrührend und verständlich, aber nicht Teil der Aufgabe.

Also, sprachlich bist Du auf gutem Wege, gehe vielleicht inhaltlich noch mal drüber, ja? Und dann sehen wir gerne auch noch mal nach sprachlichen Schnitzerlein.

Good luck says
Duckduck

[matthias13]

During the last months I think I have made people feel more pain than pleasure. I am currently in the middle of my A-levels and I am often nervous and stressed. Sometimes I freak out because I am so scared to fail. I have had tantrums, have lost temper easily, have cried and yelled at people I love most. I feel sorry for that, but I know that everything will be fine soon. To be completely honest, I am experiencing very little pleasure, but a lot of pain at the moment. And so are my family and friends. The above quotation from the American lifecoach Anthony Robbins explains exactly how I want to live my life. He defines a successful life in feeling a ton of pleasure and very little pain. Sometimes it is difficult to feel more pleasure than pain because something wrong happened. Another important fact of a successful lifestyle is that the people around you do not feel more pain than they feel pleasure.


Findet ihr das das reicht?


lg

[matthias13]

Hab den ganzen Aufsatz noch einmal überarbeitet.

The above quotation from the American lifecoach Anthony Robbins explains exactly how I want to live my life. Sometimes it is difficult to feel more pleasure than pain because something bad happened. An important fact of a successful lifestyle is that the people around you do not feel more pain than they feel pleasure. You have to treat them with respect and in a friendly way. Otherwise they will turn away.
During the last months I think I have made people feel more pain than pleasure. I am currently in the middle of my A-levels and I am often nervous and stressed. To be completely honest, I am experiencing very little pleasure, but a lot of pain at the moment. And so are my family and friends.
The term lifestyle is often heard and read in newspapers, magazines and on TV . Yet, what does “lifestyle” actually mean? I think many people use this word without actually knowing what it really means. . Lifestyle, according to my understanding is reflected in your attitude and expectations of life, your self image and self concept, values and interests. It is also expressed in your behavior and your relationship to other people. It`s a composite of motivations, needs, and wants, and it is influenced by factors such as culture, family and social class
I often dream of a life where I am completely happy and fulfilled. In my opinion a successful lifestyle needs a goal to reach. Every person should have a personal aim. The act of achieving this goal is called a successful lifestyle. My personal target is to have a lovely family, a great house and a job, which makes me personally happy. I don’t want a job, which might be better paid but makes me unhappy. A successful lifestyle means to me to wake up every morning looking forward to the day despite the weather is good or bad. Another important fact of a successful lifestyle is the way you treat other people. If you are jealous of somebody it means that you are not happy with your own life. Furthermore if you treat other people with respect it indicates that you are personally fulfilled.
All in all I can say that I am looking forward to having my own independent life. I know that it’s going to be not easy but I will reach my personal goals for sure.


lg