Bitte einmal Korrekturlesen.. Thema über Klonen!

[Ana]

Hey Leute,
wär super wenn ihr euch meinen Text mal durhclesen könntet.
Vielen Dank schon mal im Vorraus!

“Cloning animals for food”

- Colin Tudge, Focus BBC, April 2008 –


The idea of cloning is nowadays understandable for everyone: The process of producing populations of genetically identical individuals.
A topic controversial!
Colin Tudge deals with this topic in his comment “Cloning animals for food” and explains why in his eyes, cloning is no solution for future.

In the introduction of his comment (ll.1-4), C. Tudge refers to a current event which he uses as opportunity to give his opinion: Cloning of high-performance ‘elite’ animals which the US-government has approved of. Afterwards the author gives a definition of the term ‘elite’ animals: “the ones that grow quickest, or give the most milk, or have the most offspring” (l.3f.)
In the next passage (ll.5-9) the author starts his argumentation with the admission that cloning, regarding in an economic point of view, has one advantage: The guarantee that the genetic desired characteristics are inherited to the next generation.
In the following (ll.9-27) C. Tudge starts to point out his point of view concerning cloning. He refers to Maryland’s senator Barbara Mikulski, who is against cloning on grounds of consumer safety. The author also considers the welfare of the animals. As a result of this intensification of the production, the high-performance animals have for example mastitis and are crippled. Afterwards C. Tudge criticises the mindset behind the use of cloning. He keeps in mind that the ‘elite’ animals cannot perform well in weird conditions and are forced to eat high-grade feed. As a consequence of this expensive fodder, such animals are only intended for rich countries where we already have an excess of food. The author speaks about people “suffering from
diet-related disorders such as obesity and heart disease” (l.26f.).
The fact that the search for the high-yield animals misconstrues the role of livestock is the “worst of all” (l.29) for C. Tudge. The author has second thoughts in what extent it is possible to feed the world in 50 years. His solution is to re-design farming with simple principles, what he calls ‘enlightened agriculture’.


Assessing the effectiveness of the comment, you have to point out that the structure of C. Tudge’s text is very clear. The author divided his comment up into several parts: the current reason why he wrote a comment about this topic, the argument for cloning and the counter-arguments which represent his own opinion. In addition, he takes care in explaining his opinion with specific examples and comparisons (l.7f./l.20f.). The author is also right when he says that the main task of agriculture is to feed the world. If they succeed in spite of the increasing world population, they can think about cloning
Anyway it becomes obvious that C. Tudge failed in explaining his solution. In his eyes, the farming has to be re-designed. He speaks about ‘enlightened agriculture’ but he forgets to declare what it means to be ‘enlightened’. What are the advantages of this form of farming in contrast to cloned food? Is it possible to feed the rising world population with ‘enlightened agriculture’? The reader does not receive any replies to this questions.

[Keswick]

Hey Leute,
wäre super wenn ihr euch meinen Text mal durchlesen könntet.
Vielen Dank schon mal im Vorraus!

“Cloning animals for food”

- Colin Tudge, Focus BBC, April 2008 –

The idea of cloning nowadays is understandable for everyone: The process of producing populations of genetically identical individuals.
A controversial topic!
Colin Tudge deals with this topic in his comment “Cloning animals for food” and explains why in his opinion, cloning is no solution for the future.

In the introduction of his comment (ll.1-4), C. Tudge refers to a current event which he uses as an opportunity to give his opinion: Cloning of high-performance ‘elite’ animals which the US-government has approved of. Afterwards the author gives a definition of the term ‘elite’ animals: “the ones that grow quickest, or give the most milk, or have the most offspring” (l.3f.)
In the next passage (ll.5-9) the author starts his argumentation with the admission that cloning, from an economic point of view, has one advantage: The guarantee that the genetically desired characteristics are inherited by the next generation.
In the following (ll.9-27) C. Tudge starts pointing out his point of view concerning cloning. He refers to Maryland’s senator Barbara Mikulski, who is against cloning on grounds of consumer safety. The author also considers the welfare of the animals. As a result of this intensification of the production, the high-performance animals might for example have mastitis and might be crippled. Afterwards C. Tudge criticises the mindset behind the use of cloning. He keeps in mind that the ‘elite’ animals cannot perform well in weird (??) conditions and are forced to eat high-grade food. As a consequence of this expensive fodder, such animals are only intended for rich countries where they already have an excess of food. The author speaks about people “suffering from diet-related disorders such as obesity and heart disease” (l.26f.).
The fact that the search for the high-yield animals misconstrues the role of livestock is the “worst of all” (l.29) for C. Tudge. The author has second thoughts to what extent it is possible to feed the world in 50 years. His solution is to re-design farming with simple principles, what he calls ‘enlightened agriculture’.

Assessing the effectiveness of the comment, you have to point out that the structure of C. Tudge’s text is very clear. The author divides his comment up into several parts: the current reason why he writes a comment about this topic, the argument for cloning and the counter-arguments which represent his own opinion. In addition, he takes care in explaining his opinion with specific examples and comparisons (l.7f./l.20f.). The author is also right when he says that the main task of agriculture is to feed the world. If they succeed in spite of the increasing world population, they can think about cloning
Anyway It becomes obvious that C. Tudge failed in explaining his solution. In his opinion, the farming has to be re-designed. He speaks about ‘enlightened agriculture’ but he forgets to explain what it means to be ‘enlightened’. What are the advantages of this form of farming in contrast to cloned food? Is it possible to feed the rising world population with ‘enlightened agriculture’? The reader does not receive any replies to this questions.