Motivation letter Bitte um Korrektur und Tipps

[tm]

Dear all,


i had written a personal statement for an graduate school application. Can one of you can proof-reading the letter? I would be grateful for that.


Here it comes:


Dear Thesis-Committee,


I hereby wish to state my interest for a place in ____ Graduate School. The lively exchange and expertise within the Graduate School is a most interesting and inspiring challenge for me. Therefore I would like to be an integral part of the international ____-School, to discuss my work and findings with other PhD-students coming from different fields of ____ science. That would give me the possibility to use my knowledge and to learn from colleagues at the same time.


During my whole scientific career I have always been interested in expanding my interdisciplinary and subject-specific skills. A large number of extracurricular activities at various research institutes showed my inquisitive from an early time. Already before my studies, I was very committed in biology, especially in marine biology. I was able to benefit from this characteristic during my university studies, with main focus on ______ and ______. In order to gain experience in international and interdisciplinary teams, I have been working at the ______ for my diploma thesis, so I am used to work with international colleagues and partners. In my diploma thesis I analyzed factors that contribute to a successful culture of ______. The research subjects and methods of this study was planned and executed by myself. In addition I worked actively within self-reliant cooperation with the working groups "______", "______ "and the "______". These workings and a large number of extracurricular activities at various scientific research institutes during my studies reflect my intention to participate in an international and interdisciplinary working environment. This is additionally underlined by the election of my PhD-topic, which combines______ sciences with ______ sciences.


With the participating institutes mentioned above I have an excellent working environment in all fields of natural and material science, which were supplemented trough the excellent capacities of your graduate school in an optimal way. The offered graduate program can expand my skills of state-of-the-art investigation methods, developed on the basis of current research results. This school is an extraordinary possibility to get in contact with international scientists from different scientific areas and institutions. As a consequence of that, future contacts and cooperation projects are possible and desirable. In summary, one can say that the combination of the cooperating institutes and ______give me an optimally working and learning environment for my dissertation.


Now, after university degree and my first months as PhD-candidate, I personally consider a scientific education system, like ______, as the best option for reaching my goal to be prepared for future challenges of a global working environment. Considerate in mind what, on the one hand, my interests, qualifications and prospects are, and what, on the other hand the ______-graduate school offers, I am very enthusiastic and interested to undertake this challenge.


Thank you very much for considering my application and I´m looking forward to your response.



Yours sincerely,

[ella85]

hereby wish to state my interest for a place in ____ Graduate School. The lively exchange and expertise within the Graduate School is a most interesting and inspiring challenge for me. Therefore I would like to be (sagt vielliecht nicht integral) part of the international ____-School, to discuss my work and findings with other PhD-students coming from different fields of ____ science. That would give me the possibility to use my knowledge and to learn from colleagues at the same time.


Throughout my scientific career I have(du brauchst nicht beide throughout UND always sagen) been interested in expanding my interdisciplinary and subject-specific skills. A large number of extracurricular activities at various research institutes developed my inquisitive nature from an early age. Even before my studies, I was very committed to biology, especially (keine in) marine biology. This trait assisted me during my university studies, with main focus on ______ and ______. In order to gain experience in international and interdisciplinary teams, I have been working at the ______ for my diploma thesis, so I am used to working with international colleagues and partners. In my diploma thesis I analyzed factors that contribute to a successful culture of ______. The research subjects and methods of this study were planned and executed by myself. In addition I worked actively within self-reliant cooperation with the working groups "______", "______ "and the "______". These workings and a large number of extracurricular activities at various scientific research institutes during my studies reflect my intention to participate in an international and interdisciplinary working environment. This is backed up by the election of my PhD-topic, which combines______ sciences with ______ sciences.


With the participating institutes mentioned above I have an excellent working environment in all fields of natural and material science, which were supplemented through the excellent capacities of your graduate school in a big way. The offered graduate program can expand my skills of state-of-the-art investigation methods, developed on the basis of current research results. This school is an extraordinary possibility to get in contact with international scientists from different scientific areas and institutions. As a consequence of that, future contacts and cooperation projects are possible and desirable. In summary, I can say that the combination of the cooperating institutes and ______give me an optimally working and learning environment for my dissertation.


Now, after university degree and my first months as PhD-candidate, I personally consider a scientific education system, like ______, as the best option for reaching my goal to be prepared for future challenges of a global working environment. Keep in mind that, on the one hand, that my interests, qualifications and prospects are, and what, on the other hand the ______-graduate school offers, I am very enthusiastic and interested to undertake this challenge.


Thank you very much for considering my application and I´m looking forward to your response.



Yours sincerely,



Es gibt noch mehr Fehlern, vielleicht benutzt einfacher Sätzen, weil die grosse Worten manchmal ein bischen schwer zu verstehen sind, wenn sie nicht korrekt benutzt sind.
Viel Gluck!