Wichtig! Korrektur + Verbesserungsvorschläge Personal Letter

[Manu1102ldk]

Hallo Leute,

Würd mich sehr freuen wenn sich der ein oder andere die Zeit nimmt um meinen "personal letter" bzw "Dear Host Family letter" durchzulesen. Es handelt sich hierbei um einen Brief den ich an meine zukünftige Familie in den USA schicken. Es wäre hier auch intressant zu wissen ob euch dieser Brief ansprechen würde. Ihr wärt mir ne große hilfe. Danke im Voraus.

Hier mein Brieftext:

Dear host family,
My name's ??? and I was born in ??? (Austria/Tyrol) on 11th February 1990. I live in ???, which lies in the western part of Austria. I have lived here since I was born.
Austria is a great country in the middle of the Alps. The summers are very hot and sunshiny and the winters are cold and snowy. 8 million inhabitants live in Austria, 40 times less than the USA. Our national sports are winter sports. My home country dominates the winter sports like alpine ski, ski jumping, sledding ... Austria has 9 provinces and we live in Tyrol.
My dad ??? (born in 1947) and my mom ??? (born in 1955) have 3 children: ??? (29), ??? (27) and me.
??? still lives in ???, but has his own flat with his girlfriend ??? and his 9 months old daughter ???. ??? is a very cute baby and sometimes I get the chance to take care about her, so I have few experiences to deal with children under age of 2 years. ??? is a bank employer in Innsbruck, the capital city of our province.
??? lives in Innsbruck. He's a student at the university.
We have had a great many pets over the years and also combinations: e.g. 4 Hamsters (Alfred, Brownie, Lucky, Stew) together with hundreds of fish (they haven't any names) in an aquarium, a guinea pig family, and 2 rabbits.
We live in an ordinary multi-family house, Mr. Hartl and Mrs. Hartl in the first floor, my mom, dad and I in the middle and Mr. Laercherin the upper level. I also have to help my mom with the household by drying the dishes and taking the clothes off the line.
Over here my school (commercial academy) usually starts at 7.45am and ends at 1.30pm. One lesson has fifty minutes and there are small five-minute-breaks in between. Then we also have one big break of 15 minutes. We are 33 pupils in class, but we have an excellent class atmosphere. My favorite subjects are Math, English, Italian, Economics and Sports and I can’t stand Accountancy.

I have a lot of good friends but only two are my best friends: Pesi (Florian) and Kate (Kathrin). They are very close and precious to me and ‘real’ ones. Pesi and I visit the same school and sit abreast. We like to play sports; I think we already tried every kind of sport. We play with the Play-Station or watch TV. I'm quite good at school and so sometimes I help Pesi learning for an exam. Kate in the final year of the commercial school and I’m in final year of the commercial academy, the different is: commercial school takes 3 year and the commercial academy takes 5 years and you get the A-Level. But we both have the same age. We often go skiing, and watch movies.
In my free-time I often play soccer. I'm in a soccer team SV ???. My friends and I also founded our own soccer team FC ??? with the priority to have fun. I'm the chairman and coach and we could win 2 tournaments to date under my captaincy. It’s not long ago that I started to jog to be fit.
A lot of fun is to watch soccer and concerts live (but absolutely expensive). Nevertheless: I've seen lot's of great soccer matches like one of the World Championship in Germany 2006: Brazil – Australia and one of the UEFA European (Football) Championship in Austria 2008: Spain – Russia. I’ve also seen many popular bands like: Metallica, Motorhead, The Pussy Cat Dolls, Foo Fighters, Oasis, Sir Elton John …
I've started to ski in the age of 3 years and since 2006 I've done a schooling to be a skiing instructor. It's lot of fun to work with kids. Sometimes it's very exhausting to take care of 12 kids, but until now no kid harm oneself.
I'm also a part of the catholic youth organization in ???. The CYO has ca. 100 members from the age of 8 to the age of 16. I don't know the job title, but I try to explain it. I have my own group of kids. They are in the age of 8 to 13 years. We meet us every week for 1 or 2 hours and play games or do discussions and I try to help them with problem and to approximate the religion. I do that voluntarily, because I think it's important to have a belief and to be part of a community. And I was also a kid in the CYO and it was so fun. And I like to afford this fun them.
I also organize in a group of ca. 10 people a youth camp every year. We travel every year to different places. In the camp there is a special program and it contains: games, tournaments, scatches, quiz, Play-Back-Show, hiking, swimming and so on. I could attach some photos.

I also was vice student body president for one year and it was very interesting to bargain with teachers and the headmaster. It was also very interesting to represent the pupil opinion in the school. Politics are very interesting for me. In September 2008 our class was one of lot of others in Austria which won a TV-appearance in the ORF. There we could ask questions to one top candidate of the green party. It was very interesting.

I don’t really have a favorite book, but I love fantasy novels like Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter. And I do have lots of favorite movies: Forrest Gump, Brave heart, Catch me if you Can, Operation Walkyrie, and I love every kind of American comedy. My favorite actor is Adam Sandler and Jim Carry because they are so funny. I like American Cartoons too, because they could be very funny.
To listen to music is fun, especially if it’s by bands like Foo Fighters, Xavier Naidoo, Falco, Incubus, The Beatles, The Who, Rainhard Fendrich… In short: I love nearly every kind of music (except: techno and electronic music), but I prefer slow songs. Many from these artists are not from Austria or Germany which shows my interest in foreign countries that I’ve always had. ‘Travel has a way of stretching the mind’ and in my opinion as well of ‘connecting people’. Especially the USA fascinates me. Because my family has always had something to do with it: my parents got to know each over there. But I’ve never had the opportunity to get known about the land behind the Atlantic.

I'm also a smoker, but I could assure you that I will never smoke in the house or in front of the children. I smoke ca. 5-8 cigarettes a day, but mostly in the evening (occasional/social smoker). I started smoking 2007 in the age of 17, because a lot of my friends smoked before and it was like peer pressure. I hope that fact isn't a big problem for you, because as mentioned I will never smoke when I'm with the children or in the house.
I've decided to spend a year abroad after my A-Level, when I first heard about it from my cousins Andrea, who had spent a year in the US. The topic made me curious and she told me about it. I was fascinated at once. It was clear it could only be the US.

This shows my spontaneous and character. And I’m responsible and friendly. I also have lots of experiences with childcare. An Au Pair year would be awesome because I like to get better in speaking and writing English and I like to work with kids, but I wouldn't be the minder of your children, I want to be a friend of them and a part of your family.
Finally I want to mention that you shouldn't think, because I'm a boy I can't help in the household or I couldn’t deal with children like a girl, but I can assure you that wouldn't be the case.

That’s me, and thank you in advance for letting me being a part of your life.

[Keswick]

Dear host family,
My name's ??? and I was born in ??? (Austria/Tyrol) on 11th February 1990. I live in ???, which lies in the western part of Austria. I have lived here since I was born.
Austria is a great country in the middle of the Alps. The summers are very hot and sunny and the winters are cold and snowy. 8 million people live in Austria, 40 times less than the USA. Our national sports are winter sports. My home country dominates the winter sports like alpine ski, ski jumping, sledding ... Austria has 9 provinces and we live in Tyrol.
My dad ??? (born in 1947) and my mom ??? (born in 1955) have 3 children: ??? (29), ??? (27) and me.
??? still lives in ???, but has his own flat with his girlfriend ??? and his 9 months old daughter ???. ??? is a very cute baby and sometimes I get the chance to take look after her, so I have some experiences with dealing with children under age of 2 (years). ??? is a bank employee in Innsbruck, the capital city of our province.
??? lives in Innsbruck. He's a student at the university.
We have had a great many pets over the years and also different combinations: e.g. 4 Hamsters (Alfred, Brownie, Lucky, Stew) together with hundreds of fish (they didn't have names) in an aquarium, a guinea pig family, and 2 rabbits.
We live in an ordinary multi-family house, Mr. Hartl and Mrs. Hartl in the first floor, my mom, dad and I live in the middle and Mr. Laercherin the upper level. I also have to help my mom with the household for example drying the dishes and taking the clothes off the line.
Over here my school (commercial academy) usually starts at 7.45 am and ends at 1.30 pm. One lesson has fifty minutes and there are small five-minute-breaks in between. Then we also have one big break of 15 minutes. We are 33 pupils in class, but we have an excellent class atmosphere. My favorite subjects are math, English, Italian, economics and sports and I can’t stand accountancy.

I have a lot of good friends but only two are my best friends: Pesi (Florian) and Kate (Kathrin). They are very close and precious to me and ‘real’ ones. Pesi and I attend the same school and sit abreast. We like to doing sports; I think we've already tried every kind of sport. We play with the playstation or watch TV. I'm quite good at school and so sometimes I help Pesi learning for an exam. Kate in the final year of the commercial school and I’m in final year of the commercial academy, the difference is: commercial school takes 3 year and the commercial academy takes 5 years and you get the A-Level. But we both have the same age. We often go skiing, and watch movies.
In my free-time I often play soccer. I'm in a soccer team SV ???. My friends and I also founded our own soccer team FC ??? with the priority to have fun. I'm the chairman and coach and we managed to win 2 tournaments to date under my captaincy. It’s not long ago that I started jogging to be fit.
A lot of fun is to watch soccer and concerts live (but very expensive). Nevertheless: I've seen lots of great soccer matches like one of the World Championship in Germany 2006: Brazil – Australia and one of the UEFA European (Football) Championship in Austria 2008: Spain – Russia. I’ve also seen many popular bands like: Metallica, Motorhead, The Pussy Cat Dolls, Foo Fighters, Oasis, Sir Elton John …
I've started skiing at the age of 3 years and since 2006 I've done a training to be a skiing instructor. It's lot of fun to work with kids. Sometimes it's very exhausting to take care of 12 children, but until now no kid harmed itself.
I'm also a part of the Catholic youth organization in ???. The CYO has about 100 members from the age of 8 to the age of 16. I don't know the job title, but I try to explain it. I have my own group of kids. They are in the age of 8 to 13 years old. We meet us every week for 1 or 2 hours and play games or do discussions and I try to help them with problem and to approximate the religion. I do that voluntarily, because I think it's important to have a belief and to be part of a community. And I also was in the CYO as a child and it was so fun. And I like to afford this fun them. (Was willst du damit ausdruecken?)
I also organize in a group of about 10 people a youth camp every year. We travel to different places every year. In the camp we have a special program and it contains: games, tournaments, scatches, quiz, Play-Back-Show, hiking, swimming and so on. I could attach some photos.

I also was vice student body president for one year and it was very interesting to bargain with teachers and the headmaster. It was also very interesting to represent the pupil opinion in the school. Politics are very interesting for me. In September 2008 our class was one of lot of others in Austria which won a TV-appearance in the ORF. There we could ask questions to one top candidate of the green party. It was very interesting.

I don’t really have a favorite book, but I love fantasy novels like Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter. And I do have lots of favorite movies: Forrest Gump, Braveheart, Catch me if you Can, Operation Walkyrie, and I love every kind of American comedy. My favorite actor is Adam Sandler and Jim Carry because they are so funny. I like American cartoons too, because they could be very funny.
To listen to music is fun, especially to bands like Foo Fighters, Xavier Naidoo, Falco, Incubus, The Beatles, The Who, Rainhard Fendrich… In short: I love nearly every kind of music (except: techno and electronic music), but I prefer slow songs. Many of these artists are not from Austria or Germany which shows my interest in foreign countries that I’ve always had. 'Travel has a way of stretching the mind’ and in my opinion as well of ‘connecting people’. Especially the USA fascinate me. Because my family has always had something to do with it: my parents got to know each over there. But I’ve never had the opportunity to get known about the land behind the Atlantic.

I'm also a smoker, but I could assure you that I will never smoke in the house or in front of the children. I smoke ca. 5-8 cigarettes a day, but mostly in the evening (occasional/social smoker). I started smoking 2007 in the age of 17, because a lot of my friends smoked before and it was like peer pressure. I hope that fact isn't a big problem for you, because as mentioned I will never smoke when I'm with the children or in the house.
I've decided to spend a year abroad after my A-Levels, when I first heard about it from my cousins Andrea, who had spent a year in the US. The topic made me curious and she told me about it. I was fascinated at once. It was clear it could only be the US.

This shows my spontaneity and character. And I’m responsible and friendly. I also have lots of experiences with childcare. An year as an au pair would be awesome because I like to improve my spoken and written English and I like working with kids, but I wouldn't be the minder of your children, I want to be a friend of them and a part of your family.
Finally I want to mention that you shouldn't think, because I'm a boy I can't help in the household or I couldn’t deal with children like a girl, but I can assure you that wouldn't be the case.

That’s me, and thank you in advance for letting me being a part of your life.

Schoener Text, und ein ziemlich gutes Englisch! Viel Erfolg!