I need your help for my application.

[diehard]

hi guys,

could you do me the favour and check my letter of motivation. (mistakes, bad formulations, commas etc.)

I am applying for an internship in the USA.

This "letter of motivation" is send to a company that is looking for an internship place for me. Thats why I don't have the names of the persons and the name of the company.

Tank you in advance

diehard



22. May 2006

Letter of Motivation

To whom it may concern



Dear Madam / Sir,

thank you for giving me the opportunity to apply for an internship in the field of journalism. I am a student for English and Political Science at the University of ........., Germany. I am very interested in the field of journalism. I always like to be informed about the daily happenings and I also like to inform other people about what happened in the world.

I have already gained some practical experiences by working at the university radio. I started this job because I am very interested in music and in the radio. It is only a small and not commercial radio station. I don’t earn money there but it is very interesting.Additionally I had courses at the university in Media Science where I learned the theory about the work of a journalist. With an internship in Washington D.C., I would learn a lot about the work and the daily life of a journalist in the USA. I would gain many important experiences for my future career in journalism.

My professional goal is to work one day in the media. At the moment, I am not sure which kind of media would be the most interesting for me. I will try to do as many internships as possible during my time as student. By this, I will gain experiences in working as a journalist. These experiences are very important for my future plans because for most companies it is important to have employees who already gained experiences in the field of journalism. Especially experiences that were gained abroad are a big advantage.

As I study English, it is very interesting for me to live for four months in an English speaking country, especially in the USA. It would be great for me to work in Washington D.C. Washington D.C. is a big and famous city where many decisions in politics are made and where a lot of broadcasting stations, radio stations and newspapers are at home. Due to my interest in English and the United States, it would be a very good time for me. I would improve my communication skills and I would become a more independent person afterwards.

For the company, I will be a reliable and hard-working person. I would be very happy if I can make my internship at a broadcasting station, a radio station or a newspaper. I will be a fast learning employee who is always interested and friendly.

Yours Sincerly,

diehard

[boert]

Hi,

ein paar Punkte meinerseits.

Dear Madam / Sir,

thank you for giving me the opportunity to apply for an internship in the field of journalism. I am a student for English and Political Science at the University of ........., Germany. I am very interested in the field of journalism. I always <- überflüssig? like to be informed about the daily happenings (<- topics?) and I also like to inform other people about what happened in the world.

I have already gained some practical experiences by working at the university radio. I started this job because I am very interested in music and in the radio. It is only a small and non-commercial radio station and I don’t earn money there but it is very interesting.. Additionally I had courses in Media Science at the university where I learned the theory about the work of a journalist. With an internship in Washington D.C., I would learn a lot about a journalists daily life and primarily his work, of course. I would gain many important experiences for my future career in journalism.

My professional goal is to work in the media one day. At the moment, I am not sure which kind of media would be the most interesting for me. I will try to do as many internships as possible during my studies. By this, I will gain experiences in working as a journalist. These experiences are very important for my future plans because for most companies it is important to have employees who already gained experiences in the field of journalism. Especially experiences that were gained abroad are a big advantage.

As I study English, it is very interesting for me to live in an English speaking country, especially in the USA. Working in Washington D.C. would be great. It is a big and famous city where many political decisions are made (day by day?) and a lot of broadcasting stations, radio stations and newspapers are located. Due to my interest in English and the United States, it would be a very good time for me <-- würd ich n anderen Audruck suchen. My communication skills would be improved and I would become a more independent person afterwards.


(Schreib was du bist, nicht was du sein wirst, vllt in Verbindung mit dem letzten Satz). I would really appreciate it to get the opportunity to make my internship at a broadcasting station, a radio station or a newspaper (<--- editorial department?). I will be a fast learning employee who is always interested and friendly.

Yours Sincerly,

diehard


- "do" or "make" an internship? Im Text sind beide Versionen. Oder ist das egal?
- "gain experience" bzw. "gain" kommt imho ein wenig häufig vor
- "interesting" lässt sich bestimmt auch noch umschreiben

[sweety-deluxe]

wenn du englisch studierst müsstest du das doch können.
das soll jetzt keine kritik sein, aber des hat mich scho weng verwundert grad als ich des gelesen hab

[Gast]

wenn du englisch studierst müsstest du das doch können.
das soll jetzt keine kritik sein, aber des hat mich scho weng verwundert grad als ich des gelesen hab

das klang auch überhaupt nicht nach Kritik

[diehard]

hi,

danke für die hilfe boert.

ja ich studier englisch, d.h. jedoch nicht, dass man sofort super englisch kann. außerdem findet zum beispiel ein muttersprachler selbst bei einem 1a englisch student der schon 10 semester studiert noch fehler.


diehard

[sweety-deluxe]

ja,klar mei englischlehrer machen auch ma fehler,des war ja net bös oder als kritik gemeint,und des is ja such sinnvoll des noch ma gegenlesen zu lassen,ich war nur im ersten moment verwundert als ich gelesen hab dass du englisch studierst,es war ja auch net viel falsch(zumindest laut der korrektur von boert),ich wollt halt nur ma so aus interesse frag,
naja,merkst ja auch bei dem was ich schreib,dass ichs teilweise net so mitm deutschen hab obwohlich da ja eigentlich native speaker bin
war echt net als kritik gemeint

[boert]

hi,

danke für die hilfe boert.

ja ich studier englisch, d.h. jedoch nicht, dass man sofort super englisch kann. außerdem findet zum beispiel ein muttersprachler selbst bei einem 1a englisch student der schon 10 semester studiert noch fehler.


diehard

Kein Thema.
Ich würds trotzdem nochmal von nem "native speaker" durchsehen lassen, grad bei sowas wichtigem wie einer Bewerbung.

Und Sweety: Es soll auch Leute geben, die zur Uni gehen um Englisch zu studieren und nicht nur, um noch eben ne Bestätigung für ihre bisherigen Kenntnisse zu bekommen

[Gast]

Ich fand deinen Beitrag nur sehr lustig; hab da echt lachen müssen.
Der war so aufn ersten Blick wie "Sagmal, du studierst Englisch und schreibst sowas. Achja: ist keine kritik"

[Yubei]

Hi Diehard,

What you wrote is not bad. And it is very brave for you to apply a job in USA. It muss be very interesting to work in USA. I have studied in German for 4 years, but I can not write and speak Germany so good like a Germen.

[Deccius]

Diehard,

Contractions are to be avoided when writing formal English. Contractions are considered slang, I do believe. Otherwise, I thought your letter was well-written. I hope this helps you.