Comment - Bitte um Korrektur

[zvoni]

Moin bin neu hier und ich hoffe ihr könnt mir helfen.
Ich hab da mal einen comment geschrieben. Kann den sich mal jemand anschauen.
wäre sehr dankbar dafür, weil ich für eine Klausur übe, bei der ich mindestens eine drei schreiben muß.
Sperrklausel ist 5,5 Fehler auf 100 Wörter.


There are several questions to think about when discussing the statement “As long as we have nuclear power we need not worry about energy.”
In my opinion nuclear power is a very dangerous way to generate energy. The reason for that is that you have to make a controlled nuclear explosion, what is not as easy as it seems. That shows the accident in Tchernobyl. A further problem to note is that the nuclear waste can not be thrown away like normal waste, because the radiation is dangerous for the human beeing. Also the half-life of the nuclear waste has thousand of years. On the other side nuclear energy is the sheepest way to generate a lot of energy, which is good for the consumers. They can safe a lot of money on that way, which is good for the growth of the economy. As a result of all arguments, the statement is true, but it is very dangerous. In conclusion, it is clear that nuclear power should not be our future energy source and it should be replaced by renewable energy sources, such as wind power or water power.

words: 191

[Whatsername]

There are several questions to think about when discussing the statement “As long as we have nuclear power we need not worry about energy.”
In my opinion nuclear power is a very dangerous way to generate energy. The reason for that is that you have to produce (make) a controlled nuclear explosion, which (what) is not as easy as it seems. This was demonstrated by (That shows) the accident in Tchernobyl. A further problem to note is that the nuclear waste can not be thrown away like normal waste, because the radiation is dangerous for the human being (beeing). In addition (Also) nuclear waste has a half-life of (the half-life of the nuclear waste has) thousands (thousand) of years. On the other side nuclear energy is the cheapest (sheepest) way to generate a lot of energy, which is good for the consumers. They can safe a lot of money (on) that way, which is good for the growth of the economy. As a result of all arguments, the statement is true, but it is very dangerous. In conclusion, it is clear that nuclear power should not be our future energy source and it should be replaced by renewable energy sources, such as wind (power) or water power.

Verbesserungen sind in rot, deine 'Fehler' in Klammern. Der pinke Satz ist vielleicht grammatikalisch richtig, ich würde ihn so aber nicht schreiben. Erstens hast du schon im folgenden Satz 'In conclusion' geschrieben, was der besser Ausdruck für 'as a result of all arguments' ist. Zweitens geht aus dem Satz nicht wirklich hervor was gefährlich ist.
Wie wärs mit - As a final result, I believe that we do not need to worry about energy as long as we have nuclear power, but producing this form of energy can bring about too much danger.

[zvoni]

Danke für die Korrektur.
Muß wohl noch ein bischen üben und danke für den tipp

[Whatsername]

Aww, nicht traurig sein. War doch eigentlich ganz okay. Also der Fehlerindex lag doch deutlich unter 5,5!
Dürft ihr Dictionaries benutzen?

[zvoni]

ja dürfen wir
hab ja noch zeit zum üben, genau 4 tage noch
bin aber optimistisch das ich das schaffe, solang mir argumente zu dem thema einfallen