Korrekturlesen - An English Letter

Alles zur englischen Grammatik.
How to deal with English grammar.
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Vincent
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 4
Registriert: 25. Aug 2004 22:47

Korrekturlesen - An English Letter

Beitrag von Vincent »

Hallo!

Könnte jemand bitte die Grammatik von diesem Brief hier prüfen und evtl. korrigieren? Es ist ein Brief zur Short Story "Reunion" von John Cheever, den wir für den Englisch-Unterricht schreiben mussten.
Vielen Dank schon mal. :)

Dear Aunt,

Today I was finally able to meet my father, who I haven't seen for three years, after the divorce of my mother. He didn't even answer my letter by himself, instead, he ordered his secretary to do so. Anyway, he showed up punctually at twelve o'clock as previously agreed upon. I was very happy to see him. He was just as I remembered him, a handsome man. He greeted me by strucking me on the back and shacking my hand. "Hi, Charlie" he said in a very comfortable way. Then he offered me to go to his club, to eat something. When he put his arm around me, I smelled the whiskey, after-shave lotion, shoe polish, woolens and the rankness of him. I was so proud, I wished that someone would have photographed us in that happy moment. But that happiness didn't last forever, as I will tell you in the following.

When we entered a restaurant in the side street he began calling the waiter in a very loud and inpolite way. "Kellner! Garcon! Cameriere! You!", he yelled. "Could we have a little service here!? Chop-chop" he shouted and clapped his hands. The waiter was very angry to have been clapped at, and my father had absolutely no intention to apologize, he even became more harshly when he ordered two Beefeater Gibsons for us. No wonder we were kicked out and had to go to another restaurant.

In the next restaurant he firstly was able to behave himself, so we could trink something together. He asked me a lot about the baseball season, so I almost felt like beeing cross-questioned. Then he began yelling again: "Garcon! Kellner! You! Could we trouble you to bring us two more of the same?". When the waiter asked about my age, father became angry again. Since the waiter denied to bring me one more trink, father told me to leave this restaurant too.

Nothing changed in the next restaurant. My father was even more boisterous then before, also he seemed a little trunk. He ordered two "Bibson Geefeaters" and when the waiter smiled at him, he was very rude. The waiter didn't put up with fathers behaviour and insulted him, so he stood up and we went to the next restaurant.

When we went to the next place, I thought about everything that happened in the past twenty minutes. Why did my father have to behave like that? Was he trying to impress me by ordering people around? Maybe he was used to it, he seems like a successful businessman. I mean, he even has his own secretary. Anyway, the longer we were together, the less I felt good. It was a disapointment in every way. I swore to leave him if he doesn't behave in the next place.

Well, he didn't behave.... When I told him that I have to go, he tried to get me a newspaper to read, but he was incredible harsh in doing so. So I said "Goodbye, Daddy" and went away.

I decided to never see him again.

Yours
Charlie




Cliff
English Superhero
Beiträge: 1119
Registriert: 6. Mai 2005 22:46
Muttersprache: German
Wohnort: Rhineland

Re: Korrekturlesen - An English Letter

Beitrag von Cliff »

Okay, dann versuch ich es mal:
Vincent hat geschrieben:Dear Aunt,

Today I was finally able to meet my father, whom I haven't seen for three years, after [strike]the divorce of my mother[/strike]he was divorced from my mother. He didn't even answer my letter [strike]by[/strike] himself[strike],[/strike]. Instead, he ordered his secretary to do so. Anyway, he showed up punctually at twelve o'clock as (we) previously agreed upon. I was very happy to see him. He was just as I remembered him, a handsome man. He greeted me by [strike]strucking[/strike] hitting me on the back and shacking my hand. "Hi, Charlie" he said in a very comfortable way. Then he offered me to go to his club, to eat something. When he put his arm around me, I smelled [strike]the[/strike] whiskey, after-shave lotion, shoe polish, woolens and the rankness ?? of him. I was so proud, I wished that someone would have photographed us in that happy moment. But that happiness didn't last forever, as I will tell you in the following.

When we entered a restaurant in the side street he began calling the waiter in a very loud and inpolite way. "Kellner! Garcon! Cameriere! You!", he yelled. "Could we have a little service here!? Chop-chop" he shouted and clapped his hands. The waiter was very angry to have been clapped at, and since my father [strike]had absolutely no intention to apologize[/strike] was not willing to apologize, he (who?) even became more harshly when he ordered two Beefeater Gibsons for us. No wonder we were kicked out and had to go to another restaurant.
The have got has got to go.

Vincent
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 4
Registriert: 25. Aug 2004 22:47

Beitrag von Vincent »

Wow, ich trau meinen Augen nicht.... Ich dachte nicht, dass ich heute noch eine Antwort bekommen würde, da Sonntag ist. Und siehe da, eine vollständig korrigierte Version... ihr seid ja spitze. Danke euch Beiden!

Ich hab gleich die erste Version ohne Korrektur zu lesen online gestellt, "trink", "beeing" und "then" hätte ich bestimmt gefunden, den Rest aber eher nicht. Ich bin auch noch ziemlich unsicher, wenn's um's freie Schreiben von Texten geht. Schön war noch die Zeit, in der ich nur Grammatik und Vokabeln wissen musste, aber irgendwann muss man's ja lernen. :/

"Rankness of a mature man" steht so im Original-Text. Selbst die Lehrerin war sich nicht sicher, hat es dann aber mit "Üppigkeit" übersetzt. Und "the less I felt good" ist wirklich sooo schlecht? Mist, ich dachte, das würde funktionieren. :/

Naja, also vielen Dank nochmal!

A.wilhelm.scream
Frequent Typer
Beiträge: 168
Registriert: 14. Dez 2005 17:47
Muttersprache: german
Wohnort: Freiburg

Beitrag von A.wilhelm.scream »

Vincent hat geschrieben: "Rankness of a mature man" steht so im Original-Text. Selbst die Lehrerin war sich nicht sicher, hat es dann aber mit "Üppigkeit" übersetzt. Und "the less I felt good" ist wirklich sooo schlecht? Mist, ich dachte, das würde funktionieren. :/
Könnte damit nicht auch gemeint sein, dass er einen besonders hohen oder eben einen besonderen Rang inne hat, eben weil er auch wohl ein Banker oder sowas ist? Okay gut da würde man wahrscheinlich nich Rank sagen?
Naja nur ne Frage meinerseits.

CID
Linguistic Guru
Beiträge: 694
Registriert: 22. Sep 2005 20:01

Beitrag von CID »

Hab mal ne Frage zu diesem Satz (siehe oben):

"Today I was finally able to meet my father, whom I haven't seen for three years"

Das Treffen mit dem Vater war zwar "heute", es liegt aber gleichwohl in der Vergangenheit. Müsste es dann nicht "...whom I hadn't seen..." heißen?

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