Selfmade poem ...

[Sleepy]

Hi everybody,
today I wrote an English poem,but I'm not sure if everything's right,so it'd be very kind if you could correct my mistakes,it is very important to me.(Don't laugh if there are many mistakes,it's only my second one).

Why is Christmas time making me so sad?
I think it's because I miss my baby so bad.
It is the most romantic time of the year,
but destiny don't want you to be here.
Together we would sit under the Christmas tree,
I would be so happy,just you and me.
When you look into my eyes,please hold me tight,
everything just feels so right.
In the cold winter nights you keep me warm,
by holding me close in your safe arm.
While watching with you the snow fall down,
I feel that it's love I've never known.
The way you treat me is so tender and true,
I don't think you're aware of how much I love you.
Sometimes I'm not sure if I deserve your love,
you're like an angel,sent right from up above.
You don't seem to know what you're doing to me,
with every word and smile you're giving me.
My only wish for Christmas this year,
is to show you my love,to know you are near.
I hope you know how important you are,
in my sky you are the most bright shining star.
So baby don't forget,I'll be waiting for you,
waiting for my only wish this year to come true.
Now honey I just want to let you know,
my love for you will only grow.
And if someday we're supposed to make a new start,
then baby you'll know that you'll always have a very special place in my heart.

[A.wilhelm.scream]

but destiny don't want you to be here.

but destiny doesn't want you to be here.

sorry, muss auch gleich wieder los is mir nur als erstes ins auge gesprungen. hoffe das is auch richtig so [/b]

[A.wilhelm.scream]

naja aber er/sie könnte es doch als dichterische Freiheit auslegen,
ich denke da hat niemand was dagegen.

[CID]

"bright" wird üblicherweise mit "brighter" gesteigert...

Kriegst du das von der "Melodie" her dann noch hin?

[CID]

Hier ist sicherlich das Abverb angebracht (badly), aber im Alltag (umgangssprachlich oder gar Slang) wird man wahrscheinlich viel häufiger "bad" nutzen ("Gotta go bathroom real bad"), zumindest im gesprochenen Englisch, daher ist es m. E. absolut ok. Wenn es für die Schule ist, was ich nicht glaube, wäre ich allerdings vorsichtig, auch wenn da der Lehrer im Rahmen eines Gedichts künstlerische Freiheiten gewähren sollte.

Hope this helps