Hilfe!!! Korrektur meines Textes... kann mir jemand helfen??

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Dani007
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 2
Registriert: 6. Dez 2005 21:21

Hilfe!!! Korrektur meines Textes... kann mir jemand helfen??

Beitrag von Dani007 »

Hey Leute,
wär echt total nett, wenn ihr mir bei meinem englischen Text helfen könntet. Es geht um eine Umfrage, die wir nun auswerten sollen.
Weiß nich, ob dass alles so richtig geschrieben ist... :roll:
Vielen vielen Dank schonmal im Vorraus!!!

Lg Dani :angel:
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Today I want to present the results of a survey about three topics of different young people between Germany and Great Britain, but we don’t know who ask the question and analyse this survey.

The first topic is free-time and german students prefer parties next to chatting at home, listening to music and shopping.
Compared to british pupils.
They like to playing sport next to listening to music, going out and playing computer games.
The biggest fears of Germans are violences at first next to unemployment, economic crisis and pullution.
At first in Great Britain is violence, too.
Their other fears are death of someone close, falling exams, trouble with teachers, beeing bullied, employment and parents splitting up.
Finally the topic religion.
The german pupils think, that religion hasn’t importance in their life.
The minority go to church regulary.
The majority of british young people say to 58%, that religion isn’t necessary of their future.
42% say, that they believe in God and the minority go always to church.

It was very evident, that all young people want to go to parties and love music.
It is also interesting to meet new friend on the Internet and chat with them.
On the next topic about their biggest fears, both countries have fear of violence. Unfortunately it will always give violence, wherever.
I understand the german young people.
I think all is terrible, but employment at present is absolutly difficult.
The last topic about religion it was exactly my presumption.
God don’t help you in your life. Both countries think so.
Only few pupils believe in God or go to a church.
Why do happen so many disasters, where people die?
Where is God?




$pidermonkey
Frequent Typer
Beiträge: 196
Registriert: 13. Jul 2005 16:51

Beitrag von $pidermonkey »

Today I want to present the results of a survey about/of three topics of different young people between Germany and Great Britain, but we don’t know who asks the question and analyses this survey. (Ich verstehe nicht ganz, was du damit sagen willst..)

The first topic is free-time. [strike]and[/strike]
German students prefer parties next to chatting at home, listening to music and shopping.
[strike]Compared to British pupils.[/strike] Das ist kein richtiger Satz, da muss mehr stehen.
They like [strike]to[/strike] playing sports next to listening to music, going out and playing computer games.
The biggest fears [strike]of[/strike] that Germans have are those of violence[strike]s[/strike], [strike]at first[/strike] next to unemployment, economic crisis and pollution.
At first in Great Britain is violence, too.
Their other fears are death of someone close, failing exams, trouble with teachers, being bullied, employment(?) and parents splitting up.
Finally the topic religion. (unzureichender Satz)
The German pupils think that religion hasn’t got importance in their lives.
The minority go to church regularly.
The majority of British young people say [strike]to 58%[/strike] (So kann man das nicht sagen), that religion won't be necessary in their future.
42% say that they believe in God and the minority [strike]go[/strike] always goes to church.
(Hier musst du noch einiges tun. Es sind nicht nur viele Fehler drin, auch die Auswertung wirkt sehr klobig und ist schwer zu verstehen. Versuche es etwas übersichtlicher zu gestalten.)

It was very(nicht unbedingt nötig) evident that all young people want to go to parties and love music.
It is also interesting to meet new friends on the Internet and chat with them.
With regard to the next topic, [strike]about[/strike] their biggest fears, both countries have fear of violence. Unfortunately there will always be violence, [strike]wherever[/strike]. ("it will always give" ist ein kapitaler Fehler, bei dem jeder Englischlehrer mit den Zähnen knirscht.)
I understand the [strike]german[/strike] young German people.
I think everything is terrible, but employment at present is absolutely difficult.
The results of the last topic, [strike]about[/strike] religion exactly met my presumptions.
God doesn’t help you in your life. Both countries think so.
Only few pupils believe in God or go to a church.
Why do [strike]happen[/strike] so many disasters happen, where people die? (Leider sinnlos, der Satz)
[strike]Where is God?[/strike]

Es ist äußerst ungünstig, eine Analyse auf diese Weise abzuschließen. Auch wenn du deine eigene Meinung einbinden sollst, ist es wohl kein geeigneter Zeitpunkt, dazu noch mit einer Frage als Schlusssatz, eine philosophische Diskussion zu provozieren.
Auch im sprachlichen Bereich sind erhebliche Defizite festzustellen (It will always give, why do happen disasters etc..).
Du bist Herr deiner Worte, doch, einmal gesprochen, beherrschen sie dich.

Dani007
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 2
Registriert: 6. Dez 2005 21:21

Beitrag von Dani007 »

Danke...!!! Hast mir sehr weitergeholfen...

$pidermonkey
Frequent Typer
Beiträge: 196
Registriert: 13. Jul 2005 16:51

Beitrag von $pidermonkey »

Keine Ursache. :freu:
Du bist Herr deiner Worte, doch, einmal gesprochen, beherrschen sie dich.

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