The neighbors I didn't know.

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goodox
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The neighbors I didn't know.

Beitrag von goodox »

Hallo,
hier geht es um eine Kurzgeschichte. Ich würde mich über eine Korrektur freuen. 
Danke!

The neighbors I didn't know.

I guess it was eight or nine o'clock when I opened my ice. I was still lying in my bed. I had a hard night. My head was still hurting. I didn't want to get up but the neighbors argued so loudly in the stairwell. Then I decided to get up to look after them because I never saw him or she before. I just heard them fighting with each other but I never saw them. No one in the neighborhood saw them or saw when they moved into the apartment. That was curious. I went to the door and tried to listen to find out what the argument was about. 
She said: "let me go! Don't touch me! I'm so angry about what you did!" In her voice you could heard her despair. Than he said something to her but I couldn't understand because it was in any other language. I decided to stop this fight. I opened the door and saw her pointing the gun at him and fired. He fell to the ground like a potato bag.  
Now I stood there, motionless, full of fear. I got hot and cold. My heart was beating loud and fast that I thought she heard it. I was shaking or not I don't remember me anymore. I was thinking she gonna shoot me too because she pointed the gun at me when she realized I was standing there. She hesitated a little, looked me in the eyes. She was beautiful. She had dark hair, dark ice and lush red lips. But she dropped the gun and ran away. I stood for a moment and didn't move. Then I went to bed without saying a word about it. 




Keswick
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Re: The neighbors I didn't know.

Beitrag von Keswick »

goodox hat geschrieben: Hallo,
hier geht es um eine Kurzgeschichte. Ich würde mich über eine Korrektur freuen. 
Danke!

The neighbors I didn't know.

I guess it was eight or nine o'clock when I opened my eyes. I was still lying in my bed. I had been a hard night. My head was still hurting. I didn't want to get up but the neighbors argued so loudly in the stairwell. Then I decided to get up to have a look at them because I had never seen them before. I only ever heard them fight with each other but I never saw them. No one in the neighborhood saw them or saw when they moved into the apartment. That was curious. I went to the door and tried to listen to find out what the argument was about. 
She said: "Let me go! Don't touch me! I'm so angry about what you did!" In her voice you could heard her despair. Then he said something to her but I couldn't understand because it was in a language I did not understand. I decided to stop this fight. I opened the door and saw her pointing the gun at him and then she fired. He fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes.  
Now I stood there, motionless, full of fear, feeling hot and cold. My heart was beating loudly and fast - I was sure she could hear it. I don't remember if I was shaking or not. I was thinking she was going to shoot me too because she pointed the gun at me when she realized I was standing there. She hesitated a little, looked me in the eyes. She was beautiful. She had dark hair, dark eyes and lush red lips. But she dropped the gun and ran away. I stood for a moment and didn't move. Then I went to bed without saying a word about it. 
Ice = Eis
Eyes = Augen

:)
Folgende Benutzer bedankten sich beim Autor Keswick für den Beitrag:
goodox (24. Okt 2017 15:52)
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goodox
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Beiträge: 119
Registriert: 16. Feb 2016 12:29
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Re: The neighbors I didn't know.

Beitrag von goodox »

Danke!

Das mit den eyes und ice ist mit peinlich. Kein Ahnung warum ich das vertauscht habe. 

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