help with my lyrics

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ness
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help with my lyrics

Beitrag von ness »

Hi everyone!
I'm new here. I recently started writing poems. When I write stuff just for myself, I don't need it to be perfect. But as some of them may be used as song lyrics by someone else I want them to be correct before I pass them on.

I could use some help with a specific sentence. What I've written is:

"with open minds
we will keep blindness
at far distance."

What I'm trying to say is something along the lines of: "let's chase blindness far away"
The tricky part is, that it has to have "distance" at the end, so that it rhymes with "persistence", which is the last word of the verse before this one.

I know that you can "keep s.t. at a distance", but can you keep it at "far" distance too? Does it sound terrible or creative? ;-)

More possibilities:
- we will send blindness ( to far distance / into distance )
- we will ( put / find ) blindness at far distance

I'd like to keep the word "far" in it. Or would I best simply go with "... at a distance" ?

What's your opinion on this? Can any native speakers help me out here?




Duckduck
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Re: help with my lyrics

Beitrag von Duckduck »

Hi ness,

ich spreche zwar englisch nicht als Muttersprache, aber immerhin doch entlisch und da fiel mir spontan dies ein:



"with open minds
we will banish blindness wenn Du mit der Silbenzahl Schwierigkeiten hättest, ginge ja auch"we'll"
to safe distance."

Grüße
Duckduck
Mein Farbcode für Korrekturen:
Fehler / Stil/Ausdruck / Anmerkung

ness
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 4
Registriert: 17. Feb 2012 11:53
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Wohnort: Berlin
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Re: help with my lyrics

Beitrag von ness »

Danke!! Ein guter Vorschlag! :-)

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