Grammar, Spelling and perhabs a few suggestion for song text

[tmike]

Hello!!!!

I have written a song and I need some help....It would be nice if you could check my spelling and the grammar...and if you have some suggestion for some line...let me know it....

Chorus:There is no hope left
We're going straight to hell
but it cannot be the way
DEVASTATION, INFESTATION
leading to our certain death

WAKE UP!

from your dream and leave the
sinking ship
Push away your burden or you
will drown like rats

1th verse:It's time to see behind the blinds of reality
and be clear to you the undertaker is next to you
We are digging our own grave
and buried by our own burden


2th verse:We are the greatest, we are the best
but we act like the stupidest,
isn't that interest


in the end: kiss your child goodbye, because
the end of days will come,
unless you push away your burden

The song is about the human race, and how they act....it should show, if we act so on...(war...pollution...all the bad things)....that we will kill ourselves....I hope you understand what I mean...

Have fun!!!

greets Mike

[Pennsylvanian]

Hi Mike,

Very well done with the song lyrics (we almost always use the word "lyrics" rather than "text" for songs, although "text" is still understandable).

If you don't mind, I do see two places where the language could be somewhat clearer.

Let's look at the first:

It's time to see behind the blinds of reality
and be clear to you the undertaker is next to you

I'm assuming that what you are trying to say here is something like the following:

It's time to see behind the blinds of reality
and realize the undertaker is next to you

However, the way you have worded it, it sounds as though it's time for the person to whom you are speaking to "be clear" to himself:


It's time (for you) to see behind the blinds of reality
and it's time (for you) to be clear to you the undertaker is next to you



The second problematic spot is this:

We are the greatest, we are the best
but we act like the stupidest,
isn't that interest

In order to make this grammatically correct, you need to change "interest", to "interesting". Obviously, "interesting" doesn't rhyme with the other words you are using, but "interest" is a noun or a verb, not an adjective, so it cannot be used here. I have no doubt though that if you are especially enthusiastic about the word "interest", with some clever wordsmithing, you could make it work.


One other thing. You have your first and second verses labeled "1th" and "2th", respectively. Recall that the words "first", "second", "third", and other similar ordinal numbers such as "twenty-first", "sixty-second", and "ninety-third" are exceptions to the "-th" rule. Consequently you would write these ordinal numbers as follows:

1st
2nd
3rd

as well as:

21st
62nd
93rd

...and so on.

Note that this exception does not apply to 11, 12, and 13 which can all be written as follows:

11th (eleventh)
12th (twelfth)
13th (thirteenth)

[tmike]

Thank you very much....

with line

It's time to see behind the blinds of reality
and be clear to you the undertaker is next to you

I'd like to express with this sentence, that many people are running blind through the life...and they don't know "what's going on in the world....and if they look behind the blinds of reality than they realize....if we act so on....we kill ourselves (that is what i mean with the undertaker)...I hope you understand me...

and thank you for the other tips

greets Mike

[tiorthan]

Then, you should go with the suggestion to use "realize" instead of "be clear to you". If the syllable count matters you can ad "that" giving you: "and realize that the undertaker..."

[tmike]

okay...and can I say....."and realize to you that the undertaker is next to you" because I need a rhyme

greets Mike

[Duckduck]

Hi tmike,

"realize to you" geht nicht!!

Wenn Du einen Reim haben willst, fiele mir jetzt auf die Schnelle sowas ein wie:

"admit it's true: the undertaker's right next to you."

das wäre dann im Sinne: "zugeben, dass es wahr ist: der Totengräber ist genau an Deiner Seite."

Grüße
Duckduck

[tmike]

Okay....It's a good alternative...

...but one more question:D

"We are digging our own grave and buried by our own burden"

or


"We are digging our own grave and will bury by our own burden"

Which is better??? Or have someone a alternative for this sentence???

[Duckduck]

Hi, ich nochmal...

Mir sind da noch ein paar Fragen hinsichtlich Singular und Plural eingefallen. Du sprichst ja von "We", also bezieht sich das "you" ja auch auf mehrere Menschen, vielleicht die gesamte Menschheit? Also jedenfalls Plural. Deshalb möchte ich noch folgende Angleichungen vorschlagen (nach dem Motto: "Jeder sollte eins haben"):

Chorus:There is no hope left
We're going straight to hell
but it cannot be the way
DEVASTATION, INFESTATION
leading to our certain deaths (hier könnte man auch Singular lassen)

WAKE UP!

from your dreams and leave the
sinking ship
Push away your burdens or you
will drown like rats


We are digging our own graves,
are buried beneath our own burdens (da musst Du wohl noch eine Silbe reinquetschen, das "by our own burdens" würde bedeuten, dass die Lasten eine Schaufel in der Hand hätten und Erde auf uns schütteten "by-agent")


in the end: kiss your child goodbye, because
the end of days will come,
unless you push away your burden (Hier könnte man es so verstehen, dass Du Dich an den Einzelnen wendest, denn sonst müssten ja die Kinder zum Abschied geküsst werden, aber so geht es ja auch. Und dann reicht ein "burden" auch aus...)


Aah, da kam Deine Frage dazwischen. Deine beiden Vorschläge gehen nicht, aber ich hätte da auch einen, vielleicht gefällt Dir der ja . Du brauchst ein zweites "are", denn das erste gehört zu einer Verlaufsform ("are digging" = wir sind am Schaufeln) und das zweite brauchst Du für Dein Passiv "are buried" = werden begraben).

[tmike]

Hey....I've just seen i have not thanked you.....in this way...thank you very much:D

greets Mike

[tmike]

Hello, I need help to translate the text below in English. ....if you have another suggestion for the text ...i'm so thankful

Leben, was ist Leben. Nach meiner Meinung bedeutet es Freude am leben zu haben, tolerant gegenüber andere sein, die eigene Freiheit, Ehrlichkeit, sich Träume erfüllen und den Weg gehen, welchen man selber für am besten hält. Aber das ist nur meine Ansicht....denn Krieg hat nix mit Leben zu tun, Rassismus nichts mit Toleranz, Sklaven nichts mit Freiheit und hungernde Kinder nichts mit Freude. Menschenjagd, Menschenhandel und Vergewaltigung. Das ist sicherlich nicht Leben...aber was sicher ist, ist dass diese Lasten, wenn wir sie nicht ablegen, unser sicherer Tod sind.

Life, what is life. In my mind, it means to delight in living, tolerant towards others, the own freedom, honesty, to comply dreams and to walk the way (here i need your help). But this is only my opinion. Cause war has nothing in common with life, racism nothing with tolerance, slaves nothing with freedom and hungry children nothing wit joy. Human hunting, human trafficking and rape. Certainly, this isn't life. But one thing is certain. If we won't to push away these burden, then it's leading us to our certain death

I hope you can help me.....it's very difficult to find good expressions in English. It's sound always so easy what I try to express....okay.....Thanks in advance...

[Duckduck]

Leben, was ist Leben. Nach meiner Meinung bedeutet es Freude am leben zu haben, tolerant gegenüber anderen zu sein, die eigene Freiheit, Ehrlichkeit, sich Träume erfüllen und den Weg zu gehen, welchen man selber für am besten hält. Aber das ist nur meine Ansicht....denn Krieg hat nix mit Leben zu tun, Rassismus nichts mit Toleranz, Sklaven nichts mit Freiheit und hungernde Kinder nichts mit Freude. Menschenjagd, Menschenhandel und Vergewaltigung. Das ist sicherlich nicht Leben...aber was sicher ist, ist dass diese Lasten, wenn wir sie nicht ablegen, unser sicherer Tod sind.

Life, what is life. In my mind/To me, it means to delight in living, to be tolerant towards others, your own freedom, honesty, to make dreams come true and to go your own way/to live according to your own rules. But this is only my opinion. Since war has nothing in common/to do with life, racism nothing with tolerance, slaves nothing with freedom and hungry children nothing with joy. Anderer Vorschlag: Since war has nothing in common with life, nor racism with tolerance, nor slaves with freedom, nor starving children with joy. Human hunting, human trafficking and rape. Surely, this isn't life. But sure enough: If we don't to push away/get rid of these burdens, they will lead us to our certain deaths.

Grüße
Duckduck

[tmike]

Hey Duckduck....Thank you.....but one question....Why do you use in the last sentence the plural form deaths and not the singular form?????

They will lead us to our certain deaths

greets Mike

[Duckduck]

Hi tmike,

das ist so eine stilistische Sache, wenn 100.000.000.000 Menschen sterben, hat ja jeder einen eigenen Tod, nicht?

Aber es ist auch genauso möglich, "death" im Singular zu schreiben. Oh, ich sehe, ich hatte die Verbesserung in der falschen Farbe markiert, sie sollte grün sein, denn es ist kein Fehler, sondern eben eine Stilfrage.

Grüße
Duckduck

[tmike]

okay thank you....i know what you mean....i will think about it...Thanks anyway!!!!