Korrektur von Satzteilen zum Thema American Dream

[Ling-Ling]

Hallo liebe englisch-hilfen Community,

ich bin mit dem Ergebnis der Arbeit die ich heute zurück bekommen habe nicht so zufrieden. Besonders nicht mit den Korrekturen meines Lehrers bin ich nicht d'accord. Hier sind mal die Stellen mit denen ich mich nicht anfreunden kann. Das rote ist das, was er als Fehler angestrichen hat. In den Klammern steht die Begründung. gr = grammar, ex = expression


Bush's inaugural speech features Bush's vision about the strengths(gr) of American and how to use them(unclear) nationally and internationally.

In(At) the beginning, Bush states that the American nation is united by the same ideas and ideals, with the greatest being that(?) everyone is created equal. This ideal should be shared with other nations.(logic?)

Furthermore he mentions that they are supported by a higher power which created everyone equal, so they would unite(gr) by ideals, not by blood.

Also(style) he says that they rather have to solve problems...

This shows Bush's belief in the USA as the chosen country(land).

This clearly shows(constr) that Bush believes that the whole mankind(ex) needs to(?) have the "American democracy".

These excerpts proof that Bush's belief and therefore aim(ex) is to embrace(ex) equality of opportunity.
[Ich weiß dass in dem Fall achieve besser wäre, aber embrace scheint mir auch nicht falsch zu sein, oder?]

In the middle- and background you can see other people with the same facial expression like(gr) the man who are doing the same gesture.

The comic expresses that if you fully commit yourself(?) towards(preps) something, it will make you happy.

In the following text I will(gr) comment on the belief of attainability of success relating to(gr: related) the excerpt...

In my opinion you can't generalize this idea since there are a lot of influencing factors(ex).

Even though equality of opportunity is very imporant for(to) a lot of American citizens.


Ich hoffe ihr könnt mir hier ein bisschen helfen und erklären ob es sich hierbei um eindeutige Fehler handelt und wenn ja, wieso.

Vielen Dank
Ling-Ling