Letter of Motivation-Korrektur

[Sarah112]

Hallo,
ich muss morgen meinen LoM wegschicken und wollte fragen, ob jemand mal darüber lesen könnte?!
Wäre ganz lieb, danke im Vorraus!

LoM:

"Dear Madam or Sir,

With this letter I would like to apply for the XY programme at your university XY, starting March 2010.
I just graduated from high school (XY) with an average grade of 2.1 (on a scale of 1-6, 1 being the best). My major subjects were German, Mathematics, English, Spanish and History.

Since I was a little child, I dreamed of working in a hotel. My family and I travelled a lot to foreign countries and I, consequently, got to know different hotel groups.
In my opinion, service is one of the most important parts in the hotel business. Unfortunately, I experienced that many groups have shortcomings in this section. This is something I would like to avoid in my future career, so that every guest can be as comfortable as possible during his stay at the hotel.
Working in the hotel industry is a dream job for me and I think with my friendliness, my openness to experience, my flexibility, and my reliability, I would perfectly fit in this exciting business. Besides, I love meeting new people, overcoming challenges, taking responsibility and I feel comfortable both working within a team and on individual tasks.

I am interested in different cultures and would therefore love to get the chance to work around the world as I think it is fascinating to get to know different people.
The internationalism of the XY university is one of the reasons why I am anxious to study there.
Since an Open Campus Day last year, when I became acquainted with the location, the people and the provided offers, I am sure that I absolutely want to be a student at your university. I was taken with the friendliness of both professors and students, the appropriate sizes of classes and the great basis for a good career.

During the last weeks I organized our prom and graduation night at school which helped me to gain some experience in event management.
Furthermore, I took lessons in psychology in school because I am interested in people’s thoughts, as well as people in general, and I love to help them no matter what. That’s why I was also a mentor for a class at my school and enjoyed spending time with them. During a social practical course at my school I also learned to listen to people’s problems in a senior citizen center.

With German as my native language, English and Spanish as my major subjects in school and a basic knowledge in French, I would be able to communicate with almost every guest.

For getting an insight and gaining work experience in the hotel trade, I will be working for two months as a trainee at the XY Resort in XY.
I thereby wish to improve my English skills, to get to know the Asian area and to become acquainted with the hotel workaday life.

A place at your university is of great interest to me and I look forward to hearing from you soon. Thank you very much for considering my request.


Yours sincerely,
XY

[Keswick]

Das naechste Mal unbedingt frueher posten! Es ist nicht immer jemand sofort verfuegbar!

"Dear Madam or Sir,

With this letter I would like to apply for the XY programme at your university XY, starting March 2010.
I just graduated from high school (XY) with an average grade of 2.1 (on a scale of 1-6, 1 being the best). My major subjects were German, Mathematics, English, Spanish and History.

Since I was a little child, I dreamed of working in a hotel. My family and I travelled a lot to foreign countries and I, consequently, got to know different hotel groups.
In my opinion, service is one of the most important parts in the hotel business. Unfortunately, I experienced that many groups have shortcomings in this section. This is something I would like to avoid in my future career, so that every guest can be as comfortable as possible during their stay at the hotel.
Working in the hotel industry is a dream job for me and I think with my friendliness, my openness to experience, my flexibility, and my reliability, I would perfectly fit in this exciting business. Besides, I love meeting new people, overcoming challenges, taking responsibility and I feel comfortable both working within a team and on individual tasks.

I am interested in different cultures and would therefore love to get the chance to work around the world as I think it is fascinating to get to know different people.
The internationalism of the XY university is one of the reasons why I am anxious to study there.
Since an Open Campus Day last year, when I became acquainted with the location, the people and the provided offers, I have been sure that I absolutely want to be a student at your university. I was taken with the friendliness of both professors and students, the appropriate sizes of classes and the great basis for a good career.

During the last weeks I organized our prom and graduation night at school which helped me to gain some experience in event management.
Furthermore, I took lessons in psychology in school because I am interested in people’s thoughts, as well as people in general, and I love to help them no matter what. That’s why I was also a mentor for a class at my school and enjoyed spending time with them. During a social practical course at my school I also learned to listen to people’s problems in a senior citizen center.

With German as my native language, English and Spanish as my major subjects in school and a basic knowledge in French, I would be able to communicate with almost every guest.

For getting an insight and gaining work experience in the hotel trade, I will be working as a trainee at the XY Resort in XY for two months.
I thereby wish to improve my English skills, to get to know the Asian area and to become acquainted with the hotel workday life.

A place at your university is of great interest to me and I look forward to hearing from you soon. Thank you very much for considering my request.


Yours sincerely,
XY

Viel Glueck!

[pinpon]

Hi,

Hier noch das gleiche Problem.
Es wäre sehr nett, wenn jemand meine Motivation
Brief lesen und korrigieren könnte.

Vielen Dank im voraus für ihre Hilfe.

Grüße

Alex

Dear Thesis-Committee,



As a new M. Sc. in ____ (with a focus on "Autonomous Robots"), I received and read with a particular interest from the mailing list “_____” your ad. My goal is to take the next step and to do a PhD in the AI field, particular in distributed and cognitive robotics.


I had always been a keen interest in artificial intelligence. Develop, understand, extend and implement (new) algorithms are for me the most fascinating tasks of Artificial Intelligence. I specialize therefore to "Autonomous Robotics" during my studies. In the context of studying, I was constantly busy with Machine Learning. I visited the majority AI's lectures of my faculty. The last project of my study (development and construction of a ____) deal in part with the development and implementation of an algorithm for the motion-control of a _____.
Moreover my Master's thesis deal particularly with AI methods, the topic was: "___________". The goal of the work was to analyze the effect of the combination of neuroevolution technique with some exact meta-optimization methods, namely ____ and ____. I test the result of the combinations on two Systems.


The results of the tests doing in my master thesis -implemented evolutionary algorithms have been tested on cooperating agents- has increased my interest in collective intelligence. The study of the formation of collective intelligence, its operation, and especially its evolution is, for me, a fascinating topic. I also like to explore, depending on the environment, how a system of evolutionary collective intelligence could be artificially constructed (_____). The ethical side of this artificial construction must be as well discussed.


I am a quick learner and team-minded. During my activities as student assistant and as master student at the _____ in _____, i learned with fun how to work independently. I would be very happy to take part in the _______ joint Doctoral Program. Apart from the challenge which is the first attraction of this project, this program would also allow me to discover (In term of Academic, culture, … ) simultaneous two European countries.

I will appreciate the opportunity to further discuss my qualifications and the PhD position in more detail.



Sincerely,

________