kurze Korrektur!?

[Aly]

hallo,

ich musste eine kleine Geschichte schreiben und hab das Gefühl das ich sie verbockt hätte.
Bis zum dritten Satz ist alles Vergangenheit, als kleine Vorgeschichte angedacht, danach Gegenwart. Ich wollte damit nähe der Geschichte fördern. Allerdings scheint mir die Geschichte garnicht so flüssig wie unbeabsichtigt. Sollte ABI Niveau sein.

Bin um jede Hilfe dankbar.

lg Alyssa

Together with my girlfriend we decided to go on vacation to England. After a week sightseeing we desperately wanted to get out of the city. So, early in the morning, after discussing the idea, we get on a big red tourist bus to Luton. The wide green landscape is very relaxing and makes me let go of any thoughts. ....
I open my eyes and feel the worst headache I ever felt. My left leg hurts because of a big piece of glass sticking in it. After pulling out the glass the pain mystically disappears. Even the blood and the headache which took almost my sight away are gone. Standing up I find myself on the ceiling of the bus, which is lying up side down about 20 meters off the road. I am completely confused because of the lack of memory between relaxing on the bus and finding myself here. I am completely alone without the slightest evidence of my girlfriend or the other people on the bus having even been here. The only sign that could tell me something about what happened is the godless smell of expired tuna. While climbing out of the window I am noticing that the weather has changed completely. Like summer turned in a moment into autumn.
Suddenly, I hear the sweet familiar voice of my girlfriend coming from any direction. But something is wrong. The voice does not sound natural to me but in a way like mixed for an electronic pop song. At once, I am loosing my balance and am falling on my knees with the headache from earlier. I went blind again and the voice is drumming over my head with a loudness I never heard before. I think I am going deft. But my girlfriend is not screaming, if anything she is whispering something to me.
Again, all is mystically gone, but also my hearing. I feel the wind on my skin but I cannot hear the wind at all. To the right of me I catch the sight of an old English country house looking abandoned for decades. And than there is suddenly the voice of my girlfriend again coming from the house now. I cannot describe the strangeness of hearing just the voice without all the other sounds around me. I cannot even hear my own foodsteps. Just feeling that the wind is coming from the same direction. I am approaching the house and feel the wind getting colder.


to be continue...

[Aly]

Hier noch zwei kurze weitere Texte. Rechtschreibung ist meist top aber bei der Grammatik leide ich an Unsicherheitsfaktors. (ABI-Niveau)

lg
Alyssa

There is a saying by one unimportant person who said: „ Sometimes you have to poop where you wanna grow food “. In this context I would like to avoid an direct estimation about the „good“ or „bad“ nature of television. Instead, I would like to express my own point of view about this matter.
Television is the most popular media of our time and although the internet has become a quite good competitor it still dominates everything. The reason for its position may be the simplicity of use, and that information can be simplified to a minimum by picture and sound in contrast to radio and newspaper. It is also called sometimes the center of home, which is not completely wrong judging by the adjustment of furniture towards the TV-set.
One characteristic of watching TV is that it can unnoticed kill time like nothing else. This is caused by „interest“ which let you forget time and therefore keeps you concentrated. A concept designed by nature to focus your mind on something in order to be productive and constructive with the things you do. And this is exactly the point where television is often criticized for its unproductiveness.
A counter argument is surely education programmes, but this argument is often used by a false idea of education. The basic nature of learning is subjected to the continual repetition and, which is much more important, to the application of new learned information. This is most often not given, if for instance a documentation about nature or history has been watched.
The News is an other argument. Unfortunately, most people are not interested in objective news at all. This assert is based on the popularity of tabloids like „Bild-Zeitung“ in Germany. It seems like the measurement of value for news is driven by a sensational factors instead of those that influence the society the most. This trend is not new especially by private channels. The Problem is that non-private channels try to keep up with the private ones - speaking for germany only. This is why I chose independent internet sources or still the newspaper like „Süddeutschezeitung“ in order to keep myself informed day by day.
Briefly speaking: Television, with its variety of different programmes, should be tendentially seen as entertainment, because of its poorly informational use.

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Together with my schoolmates I was once in London for about a week. In retrospect, I am really appreciating the opportunity given by the school. The whole journey was held pretty professional so that no day passed by without a program. Especially the accommodation was cleverly thought through as to which we should get a closer look into England‘s mentality. We were separated into different groups with two to three kids each and were assigned to a host-family, who accommodated us the whole week through. This was a brilliant idea because just sightseeing will never give you a closer feeling to an other culture then the interaction with people living there.
Every morning we were driven by the host family to our meeting point where we proceed the sightseeing with two busses. First morning in the buss we found out about one of the greatest England‘s affection for tuna. Nearly everyone was equipped by their host-family with a tuna sandwich. I got pretty lucky because I was one of two who loved tuna. Since the journey I have never eaten a tuna sandwich again.
We saw all the important places of interest in and around London. Everything seemed profound in regard to the ancient history of London, which was founded 50 years Anno Domini by the romans.
Having learned a lot about England I have not been able to let go of one impression about England. The entire mentality seems to me pretty conservative, like an much more older brother of the United States of America. And even though I know this is not entirely right, I would always prefer to live in the U.S.A. .

[GukyDweb]

huhu aly,

hab mich mal an deinem 1. Text versucht... hoff das hilft dir weiter

Together with my girlfriend we decided to go on vacation in England. After spending a week for sightseeing we desperately wanted to get out of the city.
Therfore we had started bringing forward new ideas early in the morning we got on a big red tourist bus to Luton.
The wide green landscape was very relaxing and made me let go all thoughts. ...
Now I'm opening my eyes and I'm feeling the worst headache I have ever felt and my left leg is hurting due to a big piece of glass sticking in it.
I'm trying to remove this piece of class circumspectly and yes ... it worked out well and my pain has mystically disappeared.
Even the blood and the headache which almost took my sight away have gone.
After getting up I find myself on the ceiling of the bus, which is lying upside down approximately 20 meters off the road.
I am completely confused because of the memory loss between relaxing in the bus and finding myself here.
I am completely alone without any evidence of my girlfriend or the other people been here.
The only sign that could tell me something about what has happened is the godless smell of expired tuna.
While creeping out of the window I notice the circulation of the air ...
As if summer would turn in a moment into autumn.
Suddenly I am hearing a sweet familiar voice coming form my girlfriend.
But something is strange... the voice does not sound natural to me but in a way like mixed for an electronic pop song.
I am kinda loosing my balance and I am falling on my knees.
My head is swimming and i can only hear a damn loudnes which I've never heard bevor
But my girlfriend is not screaming and if anything she is just whispering something to me.
Some time later everything has once again just gone.
I am able to sense the wind but I can't hear any wind whistling.
To my right I'm catching a sight of an old English country house seeming to be abandoned for decades
and I am hearing my girlfriend's voice again coming from the house.
I cannot describe the strangeness of hearing just her voice without any other sounds.
Meanwhile I can sense the wind coming from the same direction like her voice.
But the more I approache that house the colder the wind gets.

[Aly]

Danke, von E.J. an Dr.S.