Sätze richtig? Bitte einmal rübergucken^^

Hier könnt ihr Sätze und kurze Texte zum Korrigieren einstellen.
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Loaded
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 4
Registriert: 10. Feb 2009 22:07
Muttersprache: German

Sätze richtig? Bitte einmal rübergucken^^

Beitrag von Loaded »

Hi Leute hab heute diesen Text geschrieben und bin mir total unsicher ob das so richtig ist... wäre echt lieb von euch, wenn ihr mir irgendwelche Anregungen bzw Tipps geben könntet oder sogar verbessern könntet... Vielen Dank im Vorraus...!^^

It was dark and I saw nothing. There was not even an outline and I doesn`t knew where I are.
Suddenly a big man touched my shoulder and I turned around. He doesn`t say anythink and pushed me on a
staircase leading upwards. This black dressed man gave me a microphone in my right hand.
I didn`t know what happend with me. Everything was still dark. Well finally I saw something.
In front of me I saw some people there hold her mobile phones in the air. What should I do?
At once heard a melody that I knew. Now it came me in the sence...
It was the melody of a song I wrote myself. Now it was briand this crowd was humming to the melody.
I was at Wembley stadion and it was night. The spotlight fell on me. Now I knew what I have to do.
I should sing the song. Everywhere were the crowd so I don`t saw the horizon. The guitar began to play and
a moment later I heard my own voice in the stadium. I sang and danced as if there is no tomorrow.I was totally over excited.
The crowd bounced up and down and I was totally in my element. The stage shook. It was precisely this moment for me
which only occurs once in a lifetime. There was nothing better before. Several fireworks flew into the air.
I felt like a bomb explosed every moment. I could feel the beat and it tore me. After few minutes the band stopped
to play but I just keep singing. I sang the chorus again without a band. The audience helped me and went wild.
We felt the mood in the air and it was like in a paradise. I`m a born entertainer.
But everything ends someday... unfortunately. This was truly the most beautiful moment of my life.
I would give everything to ensure that this experience again because I love music.

-This is for those people who love music.
-You should promote and entertain themselves.
-Be yourself and have enough self-confidence
-Don`t be shy be proud of you, remember you have talent.




Keswick
English Legend
Beiträge: 4795
Registriert: 30. Jul 2008 11:20
Muttersprache: Deutsch
Wohnort: Borough of Gateshead

Re: Sätze richtig? Bitte einmal rübergucken^^

Beitrag von Keswick »

Loaded hat geschrieben: It was dark and I could not see anything. There was not even an outline and I didn't know where I was.
Suddenly a big man touched my shoulder and I turned around. He didn`t say anything and pushed me onto a staircase leading upwards. This dressed in black man gave me a microphone into my right hand. I didn`t know what happend to me. Everything was still dark. Well finally I saw something.
In front of me I saw some people there hold their mobile phones in the air. What should I do?
At once I heard a melody that I knew. Now it came me in the sence...(was willst du sagen? Ich verstehe den Satz nicht)
It was the melody of a song I had written myself. Now it was briand (??) this crowd was humming along to the melody.
I was at Wembley stadion and it was night. The spotlight fell on me. Now I knew what I had to do. I was supposed to sing the song. Everywhere were people so I couldn't see the horizon. The guitar began to play and a moment later I heard my own voice in the stadium. I sang and danced as if there was no tomorrow.I was totally overly excited.
The crowd bounced up and down and I was totally in my element. The stage shook. It was precisely this moment for me which only occurs once in a lifetime. There has never been anything better before. Several fireworks flew into the air.
I felt like a bomb exploded every moment. I could feel the beat and it tore (??) me. After few minutes the band stopped playing but I just kept singing. I sang the chorus again without the band. The audience helped me and went wild.
We felt the mood in the air and it was like in a paradise. I`m a born entertainer.
But everything ends someday... unfortunately. This was truly the most beautiful moment of my life.
I would give everything to ensure that this experience again because I love music.

-This is for those people who love music.
-You should promote and entertain yourselves.
-Be yourself and have enough self-confidence
-Don`t be shy be proud of you, remember you have talent.
Achte auf deine Zeiten und sieh dir bitte nochmal die gruen markierten Woerter an, die geben keinen Sinn.
Bitte keine Korrektur- / Erklärungsanfragen per PN.
British English (BE) Sprecher.

Loaded
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 4
Registriert: 10. Feb 2009 22:07
Muttersprache: German

RE

Beitrag von Loaded »

Now it came me in the sence... - Nun kam es mir in den Sinn...
Denn Satz mit "Now it was briand" kannst du erstmal vergessen...
I could feel the beat and it tore me - Ich fühlte den Beat und es riss mich mit!

Aber echt super von dir, das du das so auf die schnelle kontrolliert hast... danke dir!

P.S. Sicher das da alle Fehler jetzt raus sind? Lieben Gruß^^

Keswick
English Legend
Beiträge: 4795
Registriert: 30. Jul 2008 11:20
Muttersprache: Deutsch
Wohnort: Borough of Gateshead

Re: RE

Beitrag von Keswick »

Loaded hat geschrieben:Now it came me in the sence... - Nun kam es mir in den Sinn...
Now it crossed my mind.
Loaded hat geschrieben:I could feel the beat and it tore me - Ich fühlte den Beat und es riss mich mit!
I felt the beat and it carried me away.
Loaded hat geschrieben:Aber echt super von dir, das du das so auf die schnelle kontrolliert hast... danke dir!
Gerne. Also Tipp, verwende Online-Woerterbuecher, da stehen Wendungen wie "in den Sinn kommen" drin.
Loaded hat geschrieben:P.S. Sicher das da alle Fehler jetzt raus sind?
Versprechen kann ich nichts, ich bin auch nur ein Mensch, aber es sind definitiv weniger drin als vorher! :jo:
Bitte keine Korrektur- / Erklärungsanfragen per PN.
British English (BE) Sprecher.

Loaded
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 4
Registriert: 10. Feb 2009 22:07
Muttersprache: German

Danke Danke und nochmals Danke^^

Beitrag von Loaded »

Man ey, bin so begeistert das das so geil hier klappt! Noch eine kurze Frage: Sollte ich mir die Zeit noch einmal genauer im Text angucken? Ich wechsel oft, ich weiß, aber an manchen Textstellen ist dies ja auch gewollt... Lieben Gruß und großes Lob

Keswick
English Legend
Beiträge: 4795
Registriert: 30. Jul 2008 11:20
Muttersprache: Deutsch
Wohnort: Borough of Gateshead

Beitrag von Keswick »

Da du dich auf ein Geschehen in der Vergangenheit beziehst, musst du in diesem Fall auch die Vergangenheitsform verwenden. Und dann aber bei einer Zeit bleiben. Du darfst in einer Erzaehlung die du in der Vergangenheitsform erzaehlst nur in ganz bestimmten Umstaenden ins Praesens springen. Allgemein darf nicht in den Zeitformen hin und her gesprungen werden, sollte kein Grund vorliegen. Ein Grund z.B. waere, du erzaehlst ein Vorkommnis im Praesens, musst dich aber zur Verdeutlichung einer Sache im Text ploetzlich auf ein vergangenens Geschehen beziehen.

Was mir auffiel ist, dass du z.B. I doesn't geschrieben hast. Dazu wuerde ich mir noch einmal die Grammatik genau anschauen, damit solche Fehler vermieden werden. Hier die Grammatik
Bitte keine Korrektur- / Erklärungsanfragen per PN.
British English (BE) Sprecher.

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