Bitte um grammatikalische Hinweise oder Berichtigung!

Hier könnt ihr Sätze und kurze Texte zum Korrigieren einstellen.
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teh.fellow
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 3
Registriert: 15. Jan 2009 23:13
Muttersprache: Deutsch

Bitte um grammatikalische Hinweise oder Berichtigung!

Beitrag von teh.fellow »

My motivations for studying at the City College of New York are various.
I am studieng civil engineering since 2007 at the university of applied sciences TFH in Berlin.
My intent would be to study in the fall semester 2009, this year at your university.
This would be my 6th semester, in which we have to specify our way of study.
Concerning this matter the CCNY and his civil engineering department is offering a large spectrum of courses. Especially interesting is for me the environmental engineering, because I want to specify me in this area. "Applied hydraulics in civil engineering" and "Water resources modeling" would be a verry good complition, which isnt in the offering of our university. Also the CCNY and the civil engineering department seems to me having a good reputation as well as one of the most diverse group of students.

As a civil engineering student I am also interested in the architecture of the buildings, bridges and the urban design of the city itself as well as practicing my english.

The CCNY is offering also many courses in Art and music, which i would be glad to take a course of them if possibel.
I am personnally verry impessionate in drawing and photography

It would be a pleasure to me, to gain experience at the City College of New York.

Sincere regards...



* CCNY = Abkürzung für City College of New York
"Applied hydraulics in civil engineering" und "Water resources modeling" = Kurse die dort angeboten werden

danke schonmal fürs durchlesen :D




Keswick
English Legend
Beiträge: 4797
Registriert: 30. Jul 2008 11:20
Muttersprache: Deutsch
Wohnort: Borough of Gateshead

Re: Bitte um grammatikalische Hinweise oder Berichtigung!

Beitrag von Keswick »

teh.fellow hat geschrieben:My motivation for studying at the City College of New York are various. (Diese Satz wuerde ich umformulieren)
I have been studying civil engineering since 2007 at the University of Applied Sciences TFH in Berlin. (Du meinst du Fakultaet, oder? Das richtige Wort is faculty)
My intention is to attend you university during the autumn semester 2009.
This would be my 6th semester, in which we have to specify our field of study.
Concerning this matter the CCNY and its civil engineering department is offering a large spectrum of courses. Especially interesting for me is the environmental engineering, because I want to specialise me in this area. "Applied hydraulics in civil engineering" and "Water resources modeling" would be a very good completion, which isn't available at university (Du meinst, es wird nicht angeboten?). Also the CCNY and the civil engineering department seem to have a good reputation as well as one of the most diverse group of students.

As a civil engineering student I am also interested in the architecture of the buildings, bridges and the urban design of the city itself as well as practicing my English.

The CCNY is also offering many art and music courses, which I would gladly attend if possible.
I personally am very impassionate about drawing and photography.

It would be a pleasure to me, to gain experience at the City College of New York.

Kind regards...
Bitte keine Korrektur- / Erklärungsanfragen per PN.
British English (BE) Sprecher.

Delfino
Anglo Veteran
Beiträge: 1606
Registriert: 3. Jul 2008 14:35
Muttersprache: German
Wohnort: UK

Beitrag von Delfino »

Dear Sir or Madam,
Since 2007
I am studying civil engineering at the University of Applied Sciences (TFH)
in Berlin, Germany. I'd like to study at your university, The City College of New York,
starting in fall 2009.
It would be my 6th semester, in which I have to choose the area
I'm going to specialise in during my further studies
.
Therefore I'm very interested in the civil engineering department of the CCNY
because you are offering a great variety of courses
and have a good reputation as well as one of the most diverse group of students.

I'm especially interested in environmental engineering,
because I'd like to work in this area later on. I think

"Applied hydraulics in civil engineering" and "Water resources modelling"
would be a very good combination / completion,
but is not offered by your faculty at the moment.
which is not offered by your faculty at the moment.

As a student of civil engineering
I am also interested in the architecture of the buildings, bridges and
the urban design of a city itself as well as practising my English.

I noticed the CCNY is also offering many art and music courses,
which I would gladly attend if possible.
I am personally very passionate about drawing and photography.

It would be a pleasure to gain experience at the City College of New York.

Sincerely,
...

oder

Best regards,
...
...is supplied without liability.
IELTS 7 Good user: operational command, occasional inaccuracies

Keswick
English Legend
Beiträge: 4797
Registriert: 30. Jul 2008 11:20
Muttersprache: Deutsch
Wohnort: Borough of Gateshead

Beitrag von Keswick »

Delfino, es muss I have been studying heissen, er tut es immer noch.

Was Studienrichtungen angeht, heisst es field, nicht area.
Bitte keine Korrektur- / Erklärungsanfragen per PN.
British English (BE) Sprecher.

teh.fellow
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 3
Registriert: 15. Jan 2009 23:13
Muttersprache: Deutsch

Beitrag von teh.fellow »

Danke für eure Hilfe :) ich hab den Text nun noch mal etwas erweitert.
Da es ja ein Brief is dachte ich, ich müsste mich auch kurz vorstellen und eine Seite voll zu kriegen wäre auch nicht schlecht ;).

______________________________________________________
Dear Sir or Madam

Hello my name is **** , I have passed my Abitur at a comprehandsive school in Berlin, this school was speciliced on serious sports, personally i was doing athletics and spend a lot of time in sports.
After that i went to the German armed forces for 9 month.
Shortly after my time in the armed forces i began studying Biologicalinformatics at the FU Berlin, till i noticed that I didnt felt at home in the Informatics.

Since 2007 I am studying now with enthusiasm civil engineering at the University of Applied Sciences (TFH) in Berlin, Germany.
I'd like to study at your university, The City College of New York, starting in fall 2009.
It would be my 6th semester, in which I have to choose the field I'm going to specialise in during my further studies.
Therefore I'm very interested in the civil engineering department of the CCNY because you are offering a great variety of courses
and have a good reputation as well as one of the most diverse group of students.

I'm especially interested in environmental engineering,
because I'd like to work in this area later on. I think
"Applied hydraulics in civil engineering" and "Water resources modelling"
would be a very good completion, which is not offered by my faculty at the moment.

As a student of civil engineering
I am also interested in the architecture of the buildings, bridges and
the urban design of a city itself as well as practising my English.

I noticed the CCNY is also offering many art and music courses,
which I would gladly attend if possible.
I am personally very passionate about drawing and photography.

It would be a pleasure to gain experience at the City College of New York.




Sincerely,

Keswick
English Legend
Beiträge: 4797
Registriert: 30. Jul 2008 11:20
Muttersprache: Deutsch
Wohnort: Borough of Gateshead

Beitrag von Keswick »

teh.fellow hat geschrieben: Dear Sir or Madam

Hello my name is **** , I have passed my Abitur at a comprehensive school in Berlin, this school was specialised on serious sports (spezialisiert auf serioesen Sport, was meinst du denn damit?), personally I was doing athletics and spent a lot of time on sports.
After that I went to the German armed forces for 9 months.
Shortly after my time in the armed forces I began studying Biological informatics at the FU Berlin, until I realised that I didn't feel at home in the Informatics.(was moechtest du damit sagen? Dass Informatik nicht das Richtige fuer dich war?)

Since 2007 I have been studying civil engineering now with enthusiasm at the University of Applied Sciences (TFH) in Berlin, Germany.
I'd like to study at your university, The City College of New York, starting in fall 2009.
It would be my 6th semester, in which I have to choose the field I'm going to specialise in during my further studies.
Therefore I'm very interested in the civil engineering department of the CCNY because you are offering a great variety of courses and have a good reputation as well as one of the most diverse group of students.

I'm especially interested in environmental engineering, because I'd like to work in this area later on. I think "Applied hydraulics in civil engineering" and "Water resources modelling" would be a very good completion, which is not offered by my faculty at the moment.

As a student of civil engineering I am also interested in the architecture of the buildings, bridges and
the urban design of a city itself as well as practising my English.

I noticed the CCNY is also offering many art and music courses, which I would gladly attend if possible. I am personally very passionate about drawing and photography.

It would be a pleasure to gain experience at the City College of New York.

Sincerely,
Nur noch Kleinigkeiten, klingt soweit gut :) .

Schon mal viel Erfolg!
Bitte keine Korrektur- / Erklärungsanfragen per PN.
British English (BE) Sprecher.

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