can you correct some own lyrics?

[Fabs]

Hi all!
My Name is Fabs and I live in Austria and my english is not very good.
I have a very big appeal to you:
A friend and I are going to record some songs which we wrote. I already recorded everything instrumental (the guitar, bass, drums, ect.). The only thing that isn't recorded yet is the vocal. We try to record this thursday. So can you correct this lyric (i think i made a lot of gramma mistakes):

for nothing

when i saw you again
i thought it will be the same
as long time ago - i hoped you felt i too

when i look back
and remember all these times
than we had a dream - we dreamd it every night

ref.:
all of my thoughts
all that i've heard
all that i've felt
is replaced with something blurred
and i dont understand
i dont know what you mean
this part is over and a new must beginn

time was wasted for sure
now sicknes comes through
why did you lie - listen to me now

when i look at my scar
i remember all these times
so much for nothing - I dont know why

i must get rid of the past
i waisted years for nothing
this step was the last
i waisted years for nothing

-----

if you find some better words for some paragaphs in this lyric, pleas tell me!
if want to listen to (the intro of) the song (368 kb):
http://www.8ung.at/gspace/nothing.mp3

please help me
Fabs

[LoneStar]

for nothing

when i saw you again
...
i thought it will be the same
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE ALL THE SAME (i thought it'd be all the same)
as long time ago - i hoped you felt i too
AS (IT HAS BEEN) A LONG TIME AGO (or just keep yours) - AND I HOPED YOU DID FEEL IT,TOO / (AND I HOPED YOU FELT IT, TOO)
when i look back
SO, WHEN I LOOK BACK
and remember all these times
AND REMEMBER ALL THOSE TIMES (WE HAD)
than we had a dream - we dreamd it every night
THAN I SEE (THAT) WE HAD A DREAM - WE DREAMT IT EVERY NIGHT

ref.:
all of my thoughts
(du you want to say "all meine gedanken?") ALL (OF) MY THOUGHTS
all that i've heard
...
all that i've felt
...
is replaced with something blurred
HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH SOMETHING FUZZY/BLURRY
and i dont understand
(AND I JUST DON'T GET IT)
i dont know what you mean
...
this part is over and a new must beginn
THIS xyz (whatever you may think fitts best.E.g. this romance, this night, this... or just plain and simple this...but I wouldn't use part. IS OVER AND A SOMETHING NEW HAS TO START

time was wasted for sure
...
now sicknes comes through
NOW SICKNESS (SLOWLY) COMES THROUGH
why did you lie - listen to me now
...(TO ME?)

when i look at my scar
...
i remember all these times
I REMEMBER ALL THOSE TIMES
so much for nothing - I dont know why
(THEY WERE) ALL WASTED - I DON'T KNOW WHY

i must get rid of the past
I'VE TO GET RID OF THIS/THE PAST (but you can keep yours,too)
i waisted years for nothing
I'VE WASTED YEARS FOR NOTHING
this step was the last
...
i waisted years for nothing
I'VE WASTED YEARS FOR NOTHING

-----

if you find some better words for some paragaphs in this lyric, pleas tell me!
if want to listen to (the intro of) the song (368 kb):
http://www.8ung.at/gspace/nothing.mp3

please help me
Fabs

Hi,

It all depens on how you actually mean what you're saying...
and of course it depens how well it fits in you song...well I've added some recommendations - some thoughts (printed bold!)... tell me what you think about them.

Greez
LS

[Fabs]

Hi!
I really want to thank you! Now I can correct the paragaphs. There is only one problem in the refrain. The word "heard" should rhyme with "blurred" but I see we used a false grammar. Is there some word wich rhymes with "blury" or "heard"?
My friend and I corrected the ref. in this way:

all that i thought
all that i've ...
all that i've felt
has been replaced with something ...
(is it really impossible to write "with something blurred"? That would sound cool)
(is there any other word that means the same as "replaced" because if you sing this it is a "zungenbrecher" ? )
and I dont belive
I dont understand
this is the last step before the end
("understand" rhymes with "end")

Greets
Fabs

[LoneStar]

Hi!
I really want to thank you! Now I can correct the paragaphs. There is only one problem in the refrain. The word "heard" should rhyme with "blurred" but I see we used a false grammar. Is there some word wich rhymes with "blury" or "heard"?
My friend and I corrected the ref. in this way:

all that i thought
all that i've ...
all that i've felt
has been replaced with something ...
(is it really impossible to write "with something blurred"? That would sound cool)
(is there any other word that means the same as "replaced" because if you sing this it is a "zungenbrecher" ? )
and I dont belive
I dont understand
this is the last step before the end
("understand" rhymes with "end")

Greets
Fabs

1) Actually you should be able to use "blurred." Hm blurred, blurry? Well, just ues blurred, I think that should be fine.
2) Instead of "replaced" you can also use "subsituted." But I don't know If that'd made it easier for you... hm I'm gonna ask someone who might know another possibility. I'll let you know...
3) You sure can use "understand," too. I is not wrong...

alright hope I was able to help you
talk to you later

greez
LS

[Fabs]

hi!
Thank you, we recorded the song.
There is an other song we're going to record. Can you please correct this too?:

the feeling inside my head

how can i stop
that feeling inside my head
where my emotions drop
how can i stop
that time is running out
right in front of me

it all, seems so senseless
it all, seems far away
this thoughts are so endless
feelings inside my head
it all, i will break it
my mind is fooling me
this thoughts I can’t fake it
feelings inside my head

do you know
about feelings inside my head
my fear is coming through
why I have to go
our time is ending here
that’s the way to be


this feeling is
love
I don’t need it
Love
And I don’t care
Why
All this :censored:
Is catching me

it all, seems so senseless
it all, seems far away
this thoughts are so endless
feelings inside my head
it all, i will break it
my mind is fooling me
this thoughts I can’t fake it
feelings inside my
head
and I want to break
my thoughts into pieces
this feeling is
love
and I want to put
it all into background
I don’t need
love
and I want to break
my thoughts into pieces
the feelings inside
the feelins inside my head

aus die maus

Greets
Fabs

[Miss Piggy]

Bin mir nicht ganz sicher was du Stellenweise meinst, wenn du den Text vielleicht auf Deutsch schreiben könntest, dann könnten wir sehen wie du es genau meinst und dir eine genauere Übersetzung geben

the feeling inside my head

how can i stop
that feeling inside my head
where my emotions drop
how can i stop
that time is running out
how can i stop time running out OR how can i stop, time is running out
right in front of me

it all seems so senseless
it all seems far away
this thoughts are so endless these thoughts
feelings inside my head
it all, i will break it (?????)
my mind is fooling me
this thoughts I can’t fake it these thoughts
feelings inside my head

do you know
about feelings inside my head
my fear is coming through
why I have to go why do I have
our time is ending here
that’s the way to be that’s the way it's to be ORthat’s the way it should be


this feeling is
love
I don’t need it
Love
And I don’t care
Why
All this :censored:
Is catching me
why is all this :censored: catching me

it all, seems so senseless
it all, seems far away
thesethoughts are so endless
feelings inside my head
it all, i will break it
my mind is fooling me
these thoughts I can’t fake it
feelings inside my
head
and I want to break
my thoughts into pieces
this feeling is
love
and I want to put
it all into the background
I don’t need
love
and I want to break
my thoughts into pieces
the feelings inside
the feelings inside my head

[Fabs]

hi!
vielen dank fürs korrigieren!
Also das mit dem Verständnis ist so ne Sache... Wir versuchen die Texte immer so zu schreiben, dass man darüber nachdenken muss und viel hineininterpretieren kann.
Dieses Lied handelt davon, dass Liebe nur Einbildung/ein Gedanke ist...
mit "it all, I will break it" ist gemeint, dass man diese Gedanken loskommen/zerbrechen will.

Danke nochmal.

Greets
Fabs

[Manhattan]

will ist nicht will
Man würde dann " to want" benutzen

[Miss Piggy]

Also als Erstes, wie manhatten schon schrieb "will" (deutsch) ist nicht "will" (engl) sondern "want".

Du könntest schreiben, " I want to break away from it all"

[LoneStar]

yea but sounds ok to me in general.... should be fine

[Fabs]

well, we recorded the song yesterday and my fried sang "it all, i wanna break it"

[Fabs]

Hi all!
Tomorrow we're going to record our next song.
Can you please correct the lyric?


the fucking side of emptiness

I'm sitting here all alone
hoping that it will be better
I'm trying to go on
but anything goes together

My soul is like a scar
this scar shows the truth

life's fucking hard without you
I'm not able to sleep all night
now I want to know what's true
my life is like a fight

Give me my heart back
Can you help me in making mine
In my misery I’m smoking crack
Nothing in my world is fine

it's not important anymore
that you don't stay at my door
that I wake up all alone
that I hide myself at home
not important, anyhow
anywhere at this show
you shot me inside
at my soul, at my pride

----


Greets
Fabs