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Textkorrektur

Beitrag von guest »

Hallo habe hier eine Buchrezention geschrieben und könnten vielleicht ein paar Leute bitte mal drüber schauen und Fehler verbessern oder sagen was ich noch besser machen könnte. Ihr könnt auch noch gerne sagen ob ihr den Inhalt des Buches einigermaßen versteht (den Schluss hab ich natürlich nicht verraten) oder ob es zuviel/zu wenig ist.

Danke schonmal im vorraus
Jacque


I would like to tell yoou about a book I read, which is called “Schattenkinder. The original title is “Among the Impostors” and was first published in America in 2001. The German translation came out in 2003. “Schattenkinder” is the second book out of a series written by Margaret Peterson Haddix. She grew up on a farm in Ohio together with her three siblings. After she graduated college from Miami University of Ohio she has had a few jobs. She was a newspaper reporter in Indianapolis and a community college instructor and freelance writer in Danville, Illinois. Today she is living with her family in Columbus, Ohio where she is concerned with writing literature for children and teenager. Her work has been honored with the International Reading Association Children’s Book Award, American Library Association Best Book for Young Adult and Quick Pick for Reluctant Young adult Readers citiations, and several state Readers’ Choice Awards.
It is hard to categorize this novel, “Schattenkinder”, because on one hand it sounds like a crime story, on the other hand it is rather a science fiction content. The story itself is fictive although it might happen in the future which makes it a science fiction story.
The main character is Luke Garner, a teenager who lives in a time in which it is not allowed to have more than two children. He is one of the “third kids” – as they are called in the novel – who are hunted and killed by a special police force responsible for the population. The population has to be reduced because of a big famine. Luke gets a new Identity from a good friend and becomes Lee Grant, who had an deadly accident. This new identity enables him to go to the Hendricks School for boys. However, he doesn’t feel very save in the school, even less save than in his odl hiding place. Luke feels like he does not have any orientation. He is confused because of all the long corridors and the many classrooms he is confronted with. He doesn’t even know which shedule is relvant for him. He is always afraid to do something wrong. Even in his own room he feels afraid because heis terroized by a roommate, whom he calls “Schakaljunge”. Just before Luke is totally desperate he discovers a door which stands a little bit open. When nobody watches him he is able to escape. Through this door he finds a place in the woods where he starts to build up his own garden. Every day after the breakfast he leaves th school and goes to his garden where he spends the day. At nighttime he returns to the school just in time for dinner.
One day Luke watches his roommate and two other boys using the same door. He follows them and finds out that the three boys meet up witk a couple of girls near by. He overhears their conversation and discovers that they are “Schattenkinder” just like him. He steps forward and tells them that he is a “Schattenkind” as well. The “Schakaljunge” and Luke become friends. Jason, which is the real name of the “Schakaljunge” helps Luke to catch up on the school shedule, because the final exams are just ahead of them. Kule studies very much because he is eager to pass the exam.
The night before the finals Luke finds out that Jason’s be is empty and he goes out the room to look for him.
I would definitly recommend this book, becaue it is very interesting and good to read. Especially the mixture from crime and science fiction makes it very special. This book is very exciting, because the reader gets always more and more information about the characters and you must read and read and you can not stop. This book is fictive, but you can think that it is true or it will be getting the truth in a few years. The story reminds me a little bit of the national socialism, because Luke are hunted and killed like the jewish people in this time.




Gast
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Korrektur

Beitrag von Gast »

Hallo Jacque,

danke für deinen Eintrag in unserem Forum.

Ich habe den Text gelesen, soweit gibt es keine schwerwiegenden Fehler.
Sicherlich hast du Verständnis dafür, dass ich dir die Korrektur nicht postwendend mailen kann, aber bis zum Abend gebe ich dir Bescheid. 8)


CU Ulrike

Gast
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Meine Korrektur

Beitrag von Gast »

Hi Jacque,

bin schon früher mit der Korrektur fertig als geplant. Hier mein Vorschlag:

:idea:


which is called “Schattenkinder/ hier ist ein neuer Satz besser: It’ s called “Schattenkinder”.


After she graduated college from Miami University of Ohio/ besser: ...graduates from College of Ohio she has had a few jobs. / Zeit + Präposition

She was a newspaper…./ besser: She used to work as a newspaper reporter in Indianapolis , (dann kein and)……college instructor and also a freelance writer in….

Setze nach Ohio einen Punkt . Weiter dann mit : There she is busy with....

.......Children’s Book Award and the American Library….

Setze einen Punkt nach…Young Adult. Dann: Further with the Quick Pick...


The main character is Luke Garner, a teenager who lives in a time in which it is not allowed to….

Hier : a teenager who lives at the time when it….


The population has to be reduced / besser: The number of population has to be reduced

Weiter: Luke is given a new identity….

Punkt nach “friend” : He becomes Lee Grant, a man who...

….and the many classrooms he is confronted with /besser: ….he is being confronted with

Weiter besser mit : Luke....

Even in his own room he is being terroized by….

When nobody watches him…. / ich würde den Satz umdrehen: He is able to escape when nobody
is watching him.

Kein bestimmter Artikel: …after the breakfast/ after breakfast

…he leaves the school / dann: to go to his garden. Neuer Satz: here Luke spends the day

One day he notices (anstatt watches) his roommate…

Kule studies very much / besser: Kule keeps on studying …. ..The night before the finals Luke finds out / besser : realises that…Jason’s bed is empty and
he leaves the room to search for him/ oder : Jason.

….definitely recommend this book. (Punkt, der Satz wird zu!!! lang)

Weiter mit: This story is very easy to read.

the mixture of crime…/Präpositionen beachten 8)

AB “This book is…: mein Vorschlag: This book is very exciting. The reader gets very much of information about the characters, a reason why it’s so “hard” to stop reading.



Tipp: Vermeide bei weiteren Texten zu lange Sätze/Schachtelsätze.
Tipp: Achte bei der Wortwahl auf Abwechslung

Ich finde du hast dir bereits viel Mühe mit dem Text gegeben und hoffe, dass du mit meinem Korrekturstil klar kommst. Ansonsten frage nochmal nach, bin heute Abend/morgen wieder online.

CU Ulrike :wink:

http://www.largeprintreviews.com/haddix.html >>>
hier noch ein Link zu deinem Thema

guest
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Beitrag von guest »

Also bin sehr gut mit deinem Korrekturenstil klar gekommen :)
Wollte danke sagen, dass du dir die Mühe gemacht hast, dir das durch zulesen.
Wenn nochmal so etwas ist komme ich auf jeden fall auf euch bzw. dich zurück :)

Bis dann

Gast
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Korrektur

Beitrag von Gast »

Hallo Jacque,

dann ist ja alles bestens. :D Gern geschehen!

Wichtig ist immer, dass du (und alle anderen User) frühzeitig Eure Korrekturtexte postet.

CU Ulrike 8)

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