Englische bewerbung, bitte korrigieren!!!

[Casper]

Hallo,

ich nehme zur Zeit an einer Fortbildund teil und wir sollten dafür eine englische Bewerbung schreiben, könnt ihr mit weiterhelfen, ob das so richtig ist???

Ich wäre euch echt dankbar.


Dear Mrs. Bölts,

when i read your advertisement for office clerk on the internet, I could not help noticing how well your requirements align with my skills.

I´m a businesswoman for office communication with 4 years work experience at the Call Center. My experience and my skills are:

 customer care (telephonic, in writing and personal)
 keen perception: both at mine exercise for the Deutsche Telekom AG and item in the
broker´s office I´ve expeditiously in alternating and new task familiarize.
 independent function: I "see" the work.
 Conscientiousness
 Purposefulness
 Order management


Since April 2008 i comleted a retraining. The matters are Businessenglisch and the work with Sage KHK Classic Line 2008.

I am confident that I can perform the job effectively, and I am excited about the idea of working for your firm.


Yours sincerely

[Delfino]

Although I'm not sure about the English translation of 'Bürokauffrau' or
'Kauffrau für Bürokommunikation'.

You are probably not a businesswoman, unless you are self-employed
or you got the authority to tell others e.g. your secretary, another office clerk,
your office management assistant or office administrator etc.
what to do...

LEO forum:

Ich habe meine Ausbildung zur Bürokauffrau erfolgreich abgeschlossen.
I (have) successfully completed training as a commercial clerk.

LEO dictionary

administration secretary - Verwaltungsangestellte(r)
executive secretary - Vorstandssekretär(in)
personal secretary - Chefsekretär(in)

when i read your advertisement

Remember to use I and not i for the German word 'ich'.

You should divide your skills and the tasks you've got experience with
from the description of how you work or your personality.

Show your skills by using a more professional layout.
Use capital letters at the beginning of all points or for none ...

independent function: I "see" the work.

You should never try to literally translate a German proverb/saying (Redewendung)
or use 'Denglish' of any kind e.g. Businessenglisch

I completed a training in April 2008. The main topics included Business English
and working with Sage KHK Classic Line 2008.

Unfortunately your posting doesn't show sufficient English skills for a professional environment.
You need much more training to reach a higher proficiency in English.

and please take some time to review the things you've written - use the preview button
in German too...

Fortbildund = Fortbildung
könnt ihr mit weiterhelfen = könnt ihr mir bitte weiterhelfen

or you won't get a job or a helpful answer anywhere...

________________________

Dear Mrs. Bölts,

when I read your advertisement for an office clerk on the internet.
I could not help noticing how well your requirements align with
my skills.

I´m a office management assistant with four years of work experience
at the XY Call Center. My skills include:

- customer care (by phone, in writing and in person)
- order management
- ...???

I'm a fast learner, because I got a keen perception and
I like to act conscientious with purposefulness.

I completed a training in April 2008. The main topics included Business English
and working with Sage KHK Classic Line 2008.

I am confident that I can perform the job effectively. I am excited about
the idea of working for your firm.

Yours sincerely

[Don't forget to sign it.]


= I just created some sentences with the words you provided ...
It's not a sample covering letter at all !!!


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