englische Berwerbung: könnt ihr den Text korrigieren ??

[Thomas1234]

Hallo ich bewerbe mich bei mehreren Waldorfschulen in Australien um dort meinen Zivildienst zu machen.
Dort müsste ich hausmeisterliche Tätigkeiten und manchmal auch im Unterricht mithelfen.
Die Bewerbung muss ein Motivationsschreiben enthalten.

Könnte ihr mal einen Blick auf das unten stehende Schreiben werfen und mir gegebenfalls Verbesserungvorschläge geben ? Danke schonmal


Dear Sirs and Madams,


My name is Thomas and I go to the grammar school “einstein gymnasium” in Hamburg. Probable I will get the diploma in may 2008. I don’t go to a waldorf school but I like the idea of Rudolf Steiner and I am amenable for new things.

I am a flexible, cooperative person and I am always happy if I can help other people. Furthermore I like working with kids. Betimes I work with my father in the garden so I don`t mind to lend a hand.

I am interested in other cultures and countries. Especially I want to get to know more about the australian culture, so I`m glad that there is the option to do a social community service at your school, because on the one side I can help other people and on the other side I can get to know more about the australian culture and the country.

It would be great to combine these two things and to do my communtity service in australia at your school.
I want to do something new in my life and I hope that you give me the chance, because I am ready for the adventure and challenge in australia.




Best regards from Thomas

[Mabele]

weiß ja nciht ob es dir noch was bringt, aber ich würde es so schreiben:


Dear Sir or Madam,


My name is Thomas and I visit the grammar school “Einstein Gymnasium” in Hamburg.
Probably I will get the diploma in may 2008.
I don’t go to a Waldorf school but I very much like the idea of Rudolf Steiner and I am open to learn new things.

I am a flexible and cooperative person and I am always happy if I can help other people. Furthermore I like working with kids. meanwhile I work with my father in the garden so I don`t mind to lend a hand.

I am interested in other cultures and countries. Especially I want to widen my mind about the Australian culture, so I`m glad that there is the possibility to do a social community service at your school, because on the one hand I can help other people and on the other hand I can learn more about the Australian culture and the country.

It would be great to combine these two things and to do my communtity service in Australia at your school.
I want to do something new in my life and I hope that you give me the chance, because I am ready for the adventure and challenges in Australia.




Yours sincerely
Thomas