Bitte um Korrektur! Comment about death penalty

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tornado
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 1
Registriert: 25. Nov 2006 12:25

Bitte um Korrektur! Comment about death penalty

Beitrag von tornado »

Death Penalty
The United States is the only western democracy that still practices capital punishment.
Death penalty is unfair. Race, poverty, and geographic determine who is sentenced to death.
The risk of killing an innocent person can never be eliminated.
Some people didn’t commit the crime for which they were condemned to death.
This is the most horrific aspect of capital punishment.
Deterrence is an argument for death penalty.
It says that it is necessary to kill an offender to prohibit other people from committing the same crime.
But murders don’t calculate the consequences.
Sometimes crimes are committed under influence of drugs.
Capital punishment does not lower crimes.
Murder is even more common in U.S. with death penalty.
In my opinion capital punishment is simple murder.
The death penalty even violates the right to live.
Nobody should have the right to erase someone’s life.


Ich würde mich freuen wenn jemand meinem Comment durchsieht und mir Fehler mitteilt.




boert

Beitrag von boert »

Death Penalty
The United States is the only western democracy that still practices capital punishment.
Death penalty is unfair. Race, poverty, Censored and geographic determine who is sentenced to death.
The risk of killing an innocent person can never be eliminated.
Some people didn’t commit the crime for which they were condemned to death.
This is the most horrific aspect of capital punishment.
Deterrence is an argument for death penalty.
It says that it is necessary to kill an offender to prohibit other people from committing the same crime.
But murders usually don’t calculate the consequences.
Sometimes crimes are committed under influence of drugs.
Capital punishment does not lower crimes.
Murder is actually more common in U.S. even with death penalty.
In my opinion capital punishment is simply murder.
The death penalty even violates the right to/of? live.
Nobody should have the right to erase someone’s life.

lebaneseprince
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 6
Registriert: 20. Dez 2006 17:30
Wohnort: BERLIN

Beitrag von lebaneseprince »

sehr hilfreich hier

rein0r
Tongue Twister
Beiträge: 26
Registriert: 26. Aug 2006 15:00
Muttersprache: Hindi
Wohnort: Bombay

Beitrag von rein0r »

würde mich boert anschließen, allerdings

Death penalty is unfair. Race, poverty, Censored and geographic determine who is sentenced to death.
-> was heißt hier geographic? ich nehme mal an, du willst "herkunft" sagen?
(mal abgesehen dass die aussage eine grobe verallgemeinerung ist, aber zum diskutieren über deine meinung hast du hier ja nicht reingeschrieben ^^)

und imho heißt es "right to live"

was ich eventuell noch ändern würde, wäre der textfluss - du zählst eher lose fakten auf ;)

Greg
Topic Talker
Beiträge: 50
Registriert: 1. Nov 2006 12:56
Muttersprache: German
Wohnort: Hamburg, Germany

Re: Bitte um Korrektur! Comment about death penalty

Beitrag von Greg »

Der Text könnte ein wenig zusammenhängender sein.

Papaya
Topic Talker
Beiträge: 69
Registriert: 25. Jun 2006 18:12
Muttersprache: German
Wohnort: Germany - Bavaria

Beitrag von Papaya »

Soll das nur eine Sammlung von Fakten, oder dein ganzer Comment sein?
Wenn zweiteres zutrifft: Du musst die Sätze viel mehr miteinander verknüpfen, viel mehr Struktur einbauen.
Ein Comment darf nie und nimmer bloß so lang sein. Und er muss klar gegliedert Einleitung, Hauptteil, und Schluss aufweisen.
"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
-Mark Twain

svenoosvenoo
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 1
Registriert: 13. Sep 2009 00:47
Muttersprache: deutsch

Re: Bitte um Korrektur! Comment about death penalty

Beitrag von svenoosvenoo »

Death Penalty

The United States is the only western democracy that still practices capital punishment.
Death penalty is unfair. Race, poverty, Censored and geographic determine who is sentenced to death. Let me begin with the arguments against death penalty.
The risk of killing an innocent person can never be eliminated.
Some people didn’t commit the crime for which they were condemned to death.
This is the most horrific aspect of capital punishment.
Deterrence is an argument for death penalty.
It says that it is necessary to kill an offender to prohibit other people from committing the same crime.
But murders usually don’t calculate the consequences.
Sometimes crimes are committed under influence of drugs.
Capital punishment does not lower crimes.
Murder is actually more common in U.S. even with death penalty.
In my opinion capital punishment is simply murder.
The death penalty even violates the right to live.
Nobody should have the right to erase someone’s life.

Keswick
English Legend
Beiträge: 4795
Registriert: 30. Jul 2008 11:20
Muttersprache: Deutsch
Wohnort: Borough of Gateshead

Re: Bitte um Korrektur! Comment about death penalty

Beitrag von Keswick »

This topic is from 2006, do you really think the poster will come back and check for it? :shock:
Bitte keine Korrektur- / Erklärungsanfragen per PN.
British English (BE) Sprecher.

schnip
Topic Talker
Beiträge: 69
Registriert: 2. Sep 2009 08:14
Muttersprache: deutsch

Re: Bitte um Korrektur! Comment about death penalty

Beitrag von schnip »

@Keswick: haha that's true

The first sentence is bothering me, it seems like the U.S are a democracy that still practices......

but the U.S. are States not a democracy...wouldn't it be better to write The United States democracy is the only one still practicing.....

Keswick
English Legend
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Registriert: 30. Jul 2008 11:20
Muttersprache: Deutsch
Wohnort: Borough of Gateshead

Re: Bitte um Korrektur! Comment about death penalty

Beitrag von Keswick »

Sorry schnip but I absolutely can't follow you.
Bitte keine Korrektur- / Erklärungsanfragen per PN.
British English (BE) Sprecher.

Keswick
English Legend
Beiträge: 4795
Registriert: 30. Jul 2008 11:20
Muttersprache: Deutsch
Wohnort: Borough of Gateshead

Re: Bitte um Korrektur! Comment about death penalty

Beitrag von Keswick »

Oh now I got it... my brain seems a bit slow at this time of day.

Anyway, you can write the sentence the way you would write it, Schnip, so go for it. Still.. I stick to my opinion that the original poster's probably done his GCSE's or whatever he needed it for by now and is no longer interested in this discussion. So we could as well just leave it.
Bitte keine Korrektur- / Erklärungsanfragen per PN.
British English (BE) Sprecher.

schnip
Topic Talker
Beiträge: 69
Registriert: 2. Sep 2009 08:14
Muttersprache: deutsch

Re: Bitte um Korrektur! Comment about death penalty

Beitrag von schnip »

I see your point Keswick, the only reason I wrote this post was to understand for me and not the original author of the topic.

Shall I always open a new topic when i have a question about a topic that already exists?

:zpop:

Keswick
English Legend
Beiträge: 4795
Registriert: 30. Jul 2008 11:20
Muttersprache: Deutsch
Wohnort: Borough of Gateshead

Re: Bitte um Korrektur! Comment about death penalty

Beitrag von Keswick »

No that should be alright, Schnip. I don't see the point in opening new topics if the question relates to the topic itself. :wink:
Bitte keine Korrektur- / Erklärungsanfragen per PN.
British English (BE) Sprecher.

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