Eine Korrektur für eine schlechte "short-story" bi

[Deleted User]

Hello,

I have to write a story in english with 4000-5000 words, a "short story".

Please correct my essay or give feedback.

(I am sure that there a many faults)









Überschrift X

Samuel was a very unhappy boy. Often he cried because other children annoyed him. He was seven years old and for his age he was small and thin. He had very black hair and he went to the school in the second class. But in the last days Samuel found a hobby. Somebody from his class asked him if he wanted to play football with some guys. Samuel came and since that he loves to shoot at the goal.
Sometimes he shooted for five hours at the wall, with this right leg and then with his left leg and again with his right. He became better and the boy who asked him to play football talked to Samuel in the school break. They met each other to play football every day. Three weeks later they were the best friends. Samuel’s best friend, the somebody who asked him, is called Marc. He was a small and strong boy with blond hair. In contrast to Samuel he was a popular guy.
At a Saturday afternoon they had their first official game with their new club. Both played in front to shoot the goals. Already in the second minute in the game the ball came to Marc. He assumed the ball and played a double pass with Samuel. Then he kicked the ball with much of power in the height. Marc flied to the ball and kicked the ball with a volley shoot into the goal.
At this moment Samuel feels better. Marc and Samuel embraced each other and celebrated the goal. But it was more than a goal. It was a very big easement for Samuel that the had found a friend. You could say both will be the best friends for the rest of their life.

10 YEARS LATER

The time changed it. Now Samuel and Marc were 17 years old. Samuel get more friends, other friends. Now Samuel was stronger and not so small as he was with seven years in comparison with other guys. He had a punk hair-style with light blue hairs and was member in an organization against fascism. He wore long clothes with many crossed out hook-crosses.
A very good friend of Samuel was Daniel. He was in the organization, too.
Samuel was arranged with Daniel in the school. As he walked into the room his friend Daniel stacked many flyers on the table. Samuel said:
“Hey, what’s up – are the flyers for the demonstration at next Sunday?”
“Year, I’ve made the flyer alone. The date and time big in front and at the other side the content. The national party wants to march through the downtown with wrong statements and lies against us and for racingism” Daniel said.
He seemed to be very decided and serious. Samuel considered a moment and answered: “Well, I’m sure we will be more people.”
“Well, more people…?! Is it all what you have to say to these asholes? Think at their action last week”
“You’re right. We will kill these … monsters”.
If Samuel talked about these things he was not so aggressive like his friend. He seemed to be more concerned. The two went to a meeting of their community of people against Racingism. Some guys had very big feelings. One roared loudly and struck with his fist on the table. The guys prepared a fight.
And in the middle is Samuel. That’s Samuel with 17 years: His important thing is his fight against fascism and his friends with the same intention.

Marcs life with 17 years is political, too. He became very strong and now he had no hairs any more. Like his friends, his comrades. Marc is the opposite to Samuel. He’s member in the national party and the hates foreigner.
“Because of these foreigners we don’t get jobs”, a comrade of Marc said. All of them wore a strong black jacket and roared many slogans against people with another origin. They announced a official demonstration at the next Sunday in the downtown.

Marc went back to his home when he saw his old best friend. Samuel saw Marc, too. Both look at each other and stopped. Samuel wore a cap and covered the anti-hook-cross.
Samuel began to talk:” Hey Marc. … How are you?”
“I’m fine. I haven’t see you for years. What do you do?”, Marc asked him.
“I go to school. And .. ehm, I am interested in some political stuff, you know”.
“Oh and which stuff?”
“The typical :censored:, nothing special”, Samuel said.
Marc said good-bye and went away.

At the demonstration at Sunday Samuel and his friend Daniel came with the other demonstrators. It was dark and rainy, the police between the two fronts, the national party and the Counterdemonstrants with Samuel. There were seven or eight team cars from the police, they tried to calm down the situation. But it was hectically, both sides threw stones. Three guys were hurt. Then there was a big “Bang”, panic broke out. Marc ran out of the locked zone of the national party with a Molotowcocktail in the hand. Immediately he saw Samuel at the other side. He saw him into the eyes. Some guys from the national party roared:
“:censored: of these Foreigner, throw it, burn him dead!”

Samuel was frightened. At this moment it became real for Marc: His old best friend is somebody he have to hate, he is a foreigner. Marc hesitated, in his face was much of hate. His old best friend now was his enemy. Other people annoyed Samuel because of his origin in the second class in school. Samuel is not generally interested in political stuff, he is the target of these nationalists.
And Marc was one of them. Instead to threw the Molotowcocktail into the group of his opponents the threw it away. One servant came and arrested Marc.

Two hours later Samuel predicate to the Police that Marc threw the Molotowcocktail into the mass of people.

[boert]

Samuel was a very unhappy boy. Often he cried because other children annoyed him. He was seven years old and for his age he was small and thin. He had very black hair and he went to the school in the second class. But in the last days Samuel found a hobby. Somebody from his class asked him if he wanted to play football with some guys. Samuel came and since that he loves to shoot at the goal.
Sometimes he shootedshot at against the wall for (five) hours, with his right leg and then with his left leg and again with his right. He became better and the boy who asked him to play football talked to Samuel in the school break. They met each otherto play football every day. Three weeks later they werethe best friends. Samuel’s best friend, the somebodyone who asked him, is called(ist "Marc" ein Spitzname?) Marc. He was a small and strong boy with blond hair. In contrast to Samuel he was a popular guy.
At a Saturday afternoon they had their first official game with their new club. Both played in front the offense to shoot the goals. Already in the second minute in the game the ball came to Marc. He assumed(Den passenden Ausdruck für "den Ball annehmen" weiß ich nicht) the ball and played a double passone-two (den Ausdruck kenne ich wiederum ) with Samuel. Then he kicked the ball with much of power in the height. Marc fliedflew to the ball and kicked the ball with a volley shot into the goal.
At this moment Samuel feels better. Marc and Samuel embraced each other and celebrated the goal. But it was more than a goal. It was a very big easement for Samuel that the had found a friend. You could say both will be the best friends for the rest of their life.

Schau mal bei http://www.dict.cc vorbei, dort gibt es eine Unterkategorie "Fußballjargon" mit allerlei Redewendungen

10 YEARS LATER

The time changed it. Now Samuel and Marc were now 17 years old. Samuel getgot more friends, other friends. Now Samuel was stronger and not so small as he was with seven years in comparison withto other guys. He had a punk hair-style with light blue hairs and was member in an organization against fascism. He wore long clothes with many crossed out hook-crosses.
A very good friend of Samuel was Daniel. He was in the organization, too.
Samuel was arranged with Daniel in the school. As he walked into the room his friend Daniel stacked many flyers on the table. Samuel said:
“Hey, what’s up – are the flyers for the demonstration at next Sunday?”
“Year, I’ve made the flyer aloneon my own. The date and time big inon the front and at the other side the content. The national party wantshas planned to march through the downtowncity center with wrong statements and lies againstabout us and for racingism” Daniel said.
He seemed to be very decided and serious. Samuel considered for a moment and answered: “Well, I’m sure we will be more people.”
“Well, more people…?! Is it all what you have to say to these assholes (Wenn mit zwei S, würds mir aber überlegen...)? Think atRemember their action last week”
“You’re right. We will kill these … monsters”.
IfWhen Samuel talked about these things he was not soas aggressive likeas his friend. He seemed to be more concerned. The two went to a meeting of their "community of people against racism". Some guys had very big feelings(??). One roared loudly and struck with his fist on the table. The guys prepared a fight.
And in the middle is (achte auf die Zeiten!) Samuel. That’s Samuel with 17 years: His most important thing ("task" vielleicht?) is his fight against fascism and his friends with the same intention.

Marcs life with 17 years is political, too. He became very strong and now he had no hairs any more. Like his friends, his comrades. Marc is the opposite to Samuel. He’s member in the national party and the hates foreigner.(Zeiten!!)
“Because of these foreigners we don’t get jobs”, a comrade of Marc said. All of them wore a strong black jacket and roared many slogans against people with another origin. They announced a official demonstration at the next Sunday in the downtown.

Marc went back to his home when he saw his old best friend. Samuel saw Marc, too. Both look at each other and stopped. Samuel wore a cap and covered the anti-hook-cross.
Samuel began to talk:” Hey Marc. … How are you?”
“I’m fine. I haven’t see you for years. What are you doing?”, Marc asked him.
“I go to school. And .. ehm, I am interested in some political stuff, you know”.
“Oh and which stuff?”
“The typical :censored:, nothing special”, Samuel said.
Marc said good-bye and went away.

At the demonstration aton Sunday Samuel and his friend Daniel came with the other demonstrators. It was dark and rainy, the police between the two fronts, the national party and the Counterdemonstrants with Samuel. There were seven or eight team cars from the police, they tried to calm down the situation. But it was hectically, both sides threw stones. Three guys were hurt. Then there was a big “Bang”, panic broke out. Marc ran out of the locked zone of the national party with a Molotowcocktail in the hand. Immediately he saw Samuel at the other side. He saw him into the eyes. Some guys from the national party roared:
“Censored of these Foreigner, throw it, burn him dead!”

Samuel was frightened. At this moment it became real for Marc: His old best friend is somebody he havehas (besser "should") to hate, he is a foreigner. Marc hesitated, in his face was mucha lot of of hate. His old best friend now was his enemy. Other people annoyed Samuel because of his origin in the second class in school. Samuel is not generally interested in political stuff, he is the target of these nationalists.
And Marc was one of them. Insteadto threwof throwingthe Molotowcocktail into the group of his opponents the threw it away. One servant came and arrested Marc.

Two hours later Samuel predicate to the Police that Marc threw the Molotowcocktail into the mass of people.


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