English Jokes

Alles zu Liedern, Filmen und anderen "netten" Sachen.
All about songs, films etc.
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Gast

English Jokes

Beitrag von Gast »

A Mistake


A woman new in town receives some flowers and a card that
reads: "Deepest Sympathy". A short time later, the florist
calls and says she is sorry for having sent the wrong card.
"Oh, it's OK. I understand that mistakes can happen," the
woman says. "But it's not OK," replies the florist. "I sent
your card to a funeral party with the words:'Congratulations
on your new location'".


aus Spotlight 2/04


Ulrike :oops:




Gast

Good Soup ?

Beitrag von Gast »

Good Soup :?:


I went to a restaurant in England one day and ordered some soup. When it arrived, it tasted rather strange, so I asked the waiter what kind of soup he had given me. "That's bean soup," the waiter replied, to which I said: " I don't care what it has been - I want to know what it is now."


Spotlight 7/03 .


Ulrike 8)


BTW : Freue mich über eure Einträge :idea:

Gast

Maths wiz

Beitrag von Gast »

Habe heute Morgen die neueste Ausgabe "Spotlight" erhalten und gleich einen neuen Witz daraus posten:

Maths wiz

At school, the maths teacher notices that Johnny isn't paying attention in class. "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" she asks. Johnny quickly replies: "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network."


Spotlight 4/04

CU Ulrike :wink:

Bene
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 13
Registriert: 3. Apr 2004 11:07
Muttersprache: Deutsch

political joke

Beitrag von Bene »

political joke

If "CON" is the opposite of "PRO", what is the oposite of PROGRESS?:lol:

Regards
Bene
Zuletzt geändert von Bene am 4. Apr 2004 20:55, insgesamt 1-mal geändert.

Gast

Beitrag

Beitrag von Gast »

Hi Bene,

es freut mich riesig über deinen Beitrag/Joke....nun poste ich hier wenigstens hier nicht mehr alleine. :)

CU Ulrike

Bene
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 13
Registriert: 3. Apr 2004 11:07
Muttersprache: Deutsch

Here another joke!

Beitrag von Bene »

When the window cleaner arrived at the Green's house,
he was stopped in his tracks by a snarling, barking dog.
"Don't be afraid of him," said Mrs. Green "You know the old proverb:
'A barking dog never bites'."
"Sure," said the window cleaner. "You know the old proverb. I know the old proverb. But does your dog know the old proverb?". :D

regards
Bene

Bene
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 13
Registriert: 3. Apr 2004 11:07
Muttersprache: Deutsch

stop showing off, will you!

Beitrag von Bene »

SHOW-OFF Steven: You know Lake Geneva? Well, my dad dug a hole for it.
BOASTFUL BILL: You know the Dead Sea! Well, my dad killed it.

regards
Bene

PS at all readers: Where is your joke :?:

George
Site Admin
Beiträge: 999
Registriert: 7. Mär 2004 22:02
Muttersprache: German
Wohnort: Klingenthal

Stupid?

Beitrag von George »

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

CU
George

Gast

Jokes

Beitrag von Gast »

Hallo Bene,

es freut uns, dass du dieses Forum so unterstützt.


CU Ulrike 8)

Bene
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 13
Registriert: 3. Apr 2004 11:07
Muttersprache: Deutsch

Joke

Beitrag von Bene »

Hello Ulrike!

I can't understand why there aren't more people in this forum who participate in. It's a great and free opportunity. I think it's admirable that you and the other moderators spend so much time and energy to help people who want to improve their English.

Here's another joke: :lol:

Teacher:''Can you say your name backwards,Simon?''
Simon:''No,,Mis''

regards
Bene

Gast

Much time

Beitrag von Gast »

Hi Bene,

yes, you're quite right. We both do spend a lot of time on writing lists and exercises, and only a few users state their feedback for them, while the others just keep on printing all that good stuff. :D

CU Ulrike

Gast

Fastest Dad

Beitrag von Gast »

Three boys are discussing how wonderful their fathers are.
The first one says: "My father runs the fastest. he can shoot an arrow and start to run, and I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."
The second one says:"Ha! You think that's fast? My father is a hunter. He can fire his gun and be there before the bullet."
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head:"You two don't know what fast is. My father's a civil servant. He finishes work at 4.30 and he's home by 3.45." :D


CU Ulrike

Gast

Wise old Indian

Beitrag von Gast »

A film crew was on location in the desert. One day, an old Indian told the director it would rain, and sure enough, it rained the next day.
A week later, the Indian said, it would storm, and it stormed the next day.
"This Indian is unbelieveable," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't come back for two weeks.
The director went looking for him, and when he found him, he said:
" I have to film a big scene tomorrow. What is the weather going to be like?" The Indian said:" I don't know. My radio is broken." :wink:


CU Ulrike

Bene
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 13
Registriert: 3. Apr 2004 11:07
Muttersprache: Deutsch

teacher jokes

Beitrag von Bene »

Teacher: John. Give me a sentence beginning with 'I'.
John: I is the...
Teacher: No, John. You must say "I am" not "I is."
John: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

------

Mum, I don't want to go to school. The teachers hate me and so do the kids. Is it all right if I stay in bed today?

Mother:
No son, I'm afraid, you have got to go. After all, you are the headmaster.

regards
:wink: Bene

Gast

Jokes

Beitrag von Gast »

Hi Bene,

I think you really like jokes, don't you? Thank you for all of your statements. :wink:

I'm not good at telling jokes , only writing them down. :D


CU Ulrike

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