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Micro
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 5
Registriert: 26. Jun 2004 16:12

Text

Beitrag von Micro »

Hi,
könnt ihr mir sagen, ob der Text in Ordnung ist? (Ist eine Zusammenfassung)

Neighbours with Long Teeth
Scene 1
In the first scene are Mr and Mrs Smith. They have a son-Rick. They are very proud of their son. They will that he has a famous future with a good job, a lovely wife and two nice children. But Rick´s girlfriend Phylthia is a vampire. That Mr and Mrs Smith can´t understand, because they will have that Rick has human friends. In the first Rick is afraid of Vampires, too. But then he get to know Vampires better and he found them friendly.

Scene 2
In the second scene Rick and Phylthia are in a pub for a drink. Because the people there stare at Phylthia, she is annoys and scream at them. After that they go out of the pub to Phyltiha for a cup of coffee.

Scene 3
In Phyltias house Rick see that Phylthia hasn´t any furnitures. She says that she has a coffin and that is all she need. After a drink Rick notice that it is after midnight and his parents will be angry when he come home so late. Also he tooks Phylthia with him, because his father is polite with strangers and so he can´t shout at him.

Scene 4
As they two go into Rick´s house Mr Smith is even friendly. But then Phylthia goes home and Mr Smith scream at his son Rick. He can´t understand that Rick like that “thing” and so they argue very long. At the end of the dispute Mr Smith prohibit his son to see Phylthia any longer. But Rick put not up that prohibition and he leave the house.

Scene 5
Rick thinks how the story can end. He thinks that he can go home and live with Phylthia and never see his parents. Or he can go back home and never see Phylthia again. Or his fahter decide that vampires aren´t bad and they can all be friends. Because the story is a play and not real life they make the third ending. Also like each of the people everbody and so they all friends. At the end they sing a song, that vampires are the best.

Irgendwelche Fehler? Ich bin dankbar für jede Hilfe.




George
Site Admin
Beiträge: 999
Registriert: 7. Mär 2004 22:02
Muttersprache: German
Wohnort: Klingenthal

Text

Beitrag von George »

Hi,
du musst bei deinem Text unbedingt noch auf die Satzstellung achten, die stimmt so nicht (Subjekt - Verb - Objekt - Ort - Zeit).

Du hast oft das s in der Person Singular vergessen: he gets to know
Dann fällt mir bei 1 noch auf:
sie wollen = they want

Kann dir zurzeit nicht so viel weiterhelfen, da ich gerade mit der Umstellung der Website (neues Design und Navigation) beschäftigt bin. Wende dich doch mal an imabadpixie.

CU
George

Micro
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 5
Registriert: 26. Jun 2004 16:12

Beitrag von Micro »

Bei welchen Sätzen stimmt meine Satzstellung nicht? Kann ich nicht z. B. schreiben: "In the second scene...." oder "Also he tooks..." oder "But then...". Muss ich dann immer mit dem Subject z.B. mit Rick anfangen? Z.B. Rick is in a pub in the second scene?

Wie wende ich mich an imabadpixie?

George
Site Admin
Beiträge: 999
Registriert: 7. Mär 2004 22:02
Muttersprache: German
Wohnort: Klingenthal

TExt

Beitrag von George »

Hi Micro,
hier mal ein Beispiel:

That Mr and Mrs Smith can´t understand, because they will have that Rick has human friends.

Mr and Mrs Smith can't understand that, because they want that have Rick finds human friends.

Schreib imabadpixie eine pm, geh dazu auf Memberlist und suche seinen Namen.

CU
George

imabadpixie
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 3
Registriert: 22. Jun 2004 17:12
Wohnort: London UK

Beitrag von imabadpixie »

Neighbours with Long Teeth
Scene 1
Mr and Mrs Smith are in the first scene. They have a son-Rick. They are very proud of their son. They want him to be famous and to have a good job, a lovely wife and two nice children. But Rick´s girlfriend Phylthia is a vampire. Mr and Mrs Smith can´t understand, because they want Rick to have human friends. At first Rick is afraid of Vampires, too. But then he get to know Vampires better and he found them friendly.

Scene 2
In the second scene Rick and Phylthia go to a pub for a drink. Because the people there stare at Phylthia, she gets annoyed and screams at them. After that they go out of the pub to Phyltiha's for a cup of coffee.

Scene 3
In Phyltia's house Rick sees that Phylthia hasn´t got any furniture. She says that she has a coffin and that is all she needs. After a drink Rick notices that it is after midnight and his parents will be angry when he come home so late- So he takes Phylthia with him, because his father is polite with strangers and thus won't shout at him.

Scene 4
As the two go into Rick´s house Mr Smith is friendly, but then Phylthia goes home and Mr Smith scream at his son. He can´t understand that Rick likes that “thing” and so they argue for a very long time. At the end of the dispute Mr Smith prohibits his son from seeing Phylthia any longer. But Rick ignores his father and he leave the house.

Scene 5
Rick wonders how the story can end. He thinks that he can go home and live with Phylthia and never see his parents. Or he can go back home and never see Phylthia again. Or his father decides that vampires aren´t bad and they can all be friends. Because the play isn't realistic, they all become friends. At the end they sing a song, that vampires are the best.



Hallo ist hier Ihr behobener Text!

Robyn-x-
But all i ever wanted to be will remain right here with you and me and the times we've had and the times we are yet to see. You and me and the things we've done and i'm sure it's meant to be. Do you agree?

Sidious
Slow Speller
Beiträge: 16
Registriert: 5. Jun 2004 05:56

Beitrag von Sidious »

hmmm most people would say not to start a sentence with conjungation but seems good otherwise :)

not always good to start a sentence tho with but or because most times in english you never start a sentence off with a conjugation

But then he get to know Vampires better and he found them friendly.

Because the people there stare at Phylthia, she gets annoyed and screams at them.


In Phyltia's house Rick sees that Phylthia hasn´t got any furniture.

better yet sees that Phylthia doesnt have any furniture

and thus won't shout at him.

i myself would say therefore instead of thus looks better but is my opinion :P

can´t understand that Rick likes that “thing” and so they argue for a very long time.

usually if your referring to a person its not a thing unless rick is a different kind of species and sees humans are things :P

would make a good movie if there was more intriguing and interesting things if the script was snatch out of its pages into a realistic sense but maknig it as flurously as it can be interesting :P

very good :P

Sidious
Slow Speller
Beiträge: 16
Registriert: 5. Jun 2004 05:56

Beitrag von Sidious »

now just kidding imabadpixie what you did is good :P just bored and first forum i found in favorites and found something to post :P

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