"Essay" Korrektur

[annaef]

  Hallo liebes Englisch-hilfen.de-Team, Ich bin neu im Forum und hätte eine Bitte.
  Im Rahmen meiner Abitur-Vorbereitungen habe ich ein Essay geschrieben. Leider bin ich mir noch sehr unsicher bei grammatikalischen Ausdrücken und habe keinen in meinem Umfeld, der mich korrigieren kann. Daher wäre ich euch sehr dankbar, wenn ihr mein Essay korrigieren könntet. Das Essay besteht aus 200 Wörter und das Thema lautet „Cleopatra’s Needle“:


„The following problems with selling art are to be mentioned, because the artists do not try to make an original work anymore, otherwise they try to make something that attracts the most people to sell it for an interesting price then. That means that creativity goes after money and business.

  One example would be that Egypt has sold a great part of its treasures to another countries to get money instead of keeping work of art with a great value. Probably that is a consecuence of the economic problems of Egypt. The Government of this country needed food for the population and decided to make an offer to the British Government.

  We should consider that shipping works of art can help some Governments to get a great sum of money to solve important, economic and structural problems, although they lose important peaces of art with a great value. They could be showed in a museum, where everybody can enjoy watching them. This fact contributes to the culture and education of every people from all over the world.

  As a conclusion I want to add that I think that the history must belong to every people. Everybody has right to know the world history to try to avoid mistakes that the humanity has already made.“ 


Liebe Grüße,

Annaef

[CanMan]

Hallo Annaef,
gibt es Dein Essay auch auf deutsch? Mir erschließt sich bei manchen Sätzen nicht, was sie bedeuten.