Letter of motivation - style advice

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ColdZer0
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Letter of motivation - style advice

Beitrag von ColdZer0 »

I am applying for a scholarship to double major in Aerospace Engineering and Computer Science in the U.S. I never had to write a letter of motivation before so I am unsure about this. How would you rate this one and is there anything I can do to improve it? Thanks!

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am excited to express my interest in studying at the University of X and would like to introduce myself.

Currently, I am completing my high school diploma with a year of social service for the German Red Cross after graduating high school at an institute specializing in IT. Having additional courses such as software engineering and network technology on my curriculum over 3 years gave me an opportunity to gain some early experience in the world of information technology. During these prior experiences I have found a great deal of satisfaction through problem solving as well as a strong interest in artificial intelligence and their development.

Furthermore, I have been fascinated with aerospace technology in and outside of our atmosphere for as long as I can remember. Developments in recent years repeatedly left me in awe, leading me to attend several open access lectures on this subject. This fascination quickly turned into a passion of mine as I slowly got to learn about the physics behind it.

Ultimately, these prior experiences not only lead me to choose a double major in Computer Science and Aerospace Engineering, but also to do so in the United States, the forefront of both A.I. and aerospace research.

After my graduation I aim for a position in a global acting organization, thus I believe the opportunity to deepen my language skills by studying abroad will prove very advantageous to fulfill this position at its best and to be prepared for the daily work in an international environment.

I am convinced that through my current state of education, my interest in getting to know the North American culture and my passion for the given subjects, I am well suited for this path of education at the University of X in Y and I would spend the stay abroad continually dedicated to reaching my goals.

For any further questions I am always at your disposal. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

X




BrokeGopher
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Re: Letter of motivation - style advice

Beitrag von BrokeGopher »

This is pretty good.  Most Americans don't write this well.  I would offer a couple of suggestions on style, though.
strong interest in artificial intelligence and their development -- I'm not sure if "artificial intelligence" is considered plural.  It might be better to say "artificial intelligence and its development".
a global acting organization -- This makes it sound like a global theater.  Maybe "a globally active organization" would be better.
From the date of your post you've probably already sent the letter.  Hope you were accepted!
Mein Deutsch is nicht so gut, aber mein Englisch ist perfekt!

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