Korrigieren einer Bewerbung..

Hier könnt ihr Sätze und kurze Texte zum Korrigieren einstellen.
Antworten
rumsibumsi
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 2
Registriert: 7. Feb 2014 12:13
Muttersprache: Deutsch

Korrigieren einer Bewerbung..

Beitrag von rumsibumsi »

Hallo,

ich möchte mich auf ein Auslandspraktikum bei einer meiner ehemaligen Firmen bewerben. Es wäre schön, wenn ihr meinen Bewerbungstext mal korrigieren könntet.


Hier ist er schon übersetzt:




Dear XYZ,

As a student of the Master's studies in mechanical engineering and former intern of the Max Mustermann GmbH for the completion of my bachelor thesis, I would like to gain international work experience with an internship in XYZ, which is one of the most multicultural countries worldwide. Thereby I take up the challenge of a new working sphere and encourage my character and my personality concerning of my communication skills, my independence and global teamwork.

The internship in XYZ mediates the first intercultural abilities for me and improves my English at the same time. Both abilities are important core competencies for the daily international working life and facilitate the cooperation with employees from all over the world.

In my time at the Max Mustermann GmbH, I concentrated on doing the analysis of current manufacturing processes in the area of XYZ for the detection of weaknesses and optimization potentials during the production flow. I very much enjoyed this task, so that I want to increase my manufacturing knowledge with another Internship in the production technology of XYZ systems. The thereby occurring combination of an international working sphere and practical manufacturing technology is also a good preparation for my future career in international engineering.

During the last years I did, parallel to my school leaving exam in XYZ, different internships and holiday jobs in the maintenance of manufacturing machines and gained practical experience in the forefront of my mechanical engineering studies. While the repairing of production machines, I proved my teamwork and flexibility and extended simultaneously my knowledge for technical proceedings.

I am convinced to fit in your reputable company and I would be glad to support you during my master studies with an internship from XYZ till XYZ.

I would be glad about a telephone appointment.

Yours sincerely,




Vielen Dank im Voraus :D :freu:




rumsibumsi
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 2
Registriert: 7. Feb 2014 12:13
Muttersprache: Deutsch

Re: Korrigieren einer Bewerbung..

Beitrag von rumsibumsi »

Heyho,


Ich weiß, dass zwar gerade Olympia läuft, wäre aber trotzdem sehr dankbar, wenn einer nochmal kurz über Bewerbung schaut...

Vielen Dank...

Keswick
English Legend
Beiträge: 4797
Registriert: 30. Jul 2008 11:20
Muttersprache: Deutsch
Wohnort: Borough of Gateshead

Re: Korrigieren einer Bewerbung..

Beitrag von Keswick »

rumsibumsi hat geschrieben:Hallo,

ich möchte mich auf ein Auslandspraktikum bei einer meiner ehemaligen Firmen bewerben. Es wäre schön, wenn ihr meinen Bewerbungstext mal korrigieren könntet.


Hier ist er schon übersetzt:




Dear XYZ,

As a Master student of the Master's studies in mechanical engineering and former intern of the Max Mustermann GmbH for the completion of my bachelor thesis, I would like to gain international work experience with an internship in XYZ, which is one of the most multicultural countries worldwide. This internship would provide me with the challenge of a new field of work and it would improve encourage my character and my personality concerning of my communication skills, as well as my independence and global teamwork. (schreibe lieber kurze Saetze, sonst verrennst du dich!)

The internship with XYZ would mediates the first intercultural abilities for me (was willst du aussagen?) and would improve my English at the same time. Both abilities are important core competencies for the daily international working life and facilitate the cooperation with employees from all over the world.

In my time at the Max Mustermann GmbH, I focused on doing the analysis of current manufacturing processes in the area of XYZ for the detection of weaknesses and optimization potentials during the production flow. I very much enjoyed this task, and I would like to deepen my manufacturing knowledge with another internship in the production technology of XYZ systems. The combination of an international field of work and practical manufacturing technology would also be a good preparation for my future career in international engineering.

In parallel to studying for my graduation in XYZ in the last year, I did different internships and holiday jobs in the maintenance of manufacturing machines and gained practical experience before starting my studies in mechanical engineering. During mentioned repairs, I proved my teamwork and flexibility and simultaniously deepened my knowledge for technical proceedings.

I am convinced that I would fit perfectly into your reputable company, and I would be glad to support you during my master studies with an internship from XYZ till XYZ.

I would appreciate your time for a telephone interview and I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely,




Vielen Dank im Voraus :D :freu:
Bitte keine Korrektur- / Erklärungsanfragen per PN.
British English (BE) Sprecher.

Antworten