Eine geschichte auf englsich zu ende schreiben

[Lennartl]

Hi, wir haben als Hausaufgabe aufbekommen eine Geschichte zuende zuschreiben . Leider bin ich sehr schlecht in englisch .Könntet ihr bitte mal gucken ob mein Text richtig ist und mich bei Fehrlern ggf. verbessern?


Das war vorgegeben : It was the first weekend of summer and the Christmas holidays, and we were excited. Four good friends on their first road trip into the outback! No parents for a week! It was just my best friend Donovan (the star rugby player), Dani (his nice but princess-like girlfriend), Ruby (my girlfriend and the school's cleverest girl) and me, Angelo. I've always been quite the worry wart, and I wasn't sure this road trip was the best idea. Two guys and two girls- was this going to work in the outback? But it was summer, school was over, so I didn't care. I should have. Four friends left together on that Sunday, and four friends returned to Sydney a week later. But not the same four people...
Das habe ichn geschrieben:
The first day was a normal day for a day in the outback. We rent a car and drove in the “wilderness“. We saw a lot of animals for example sneaks and spiders or crocodiles. On the second day we drove out too and saw three aboriginals’ people. We get out the car and go to aboriginals to ten meters. The aboriginals, who looks strange and doesn’t wear clothes, was wondering what we are with our white skin .I can saw it in there face that they was wondering about us. They look to us curious and come near to us. I think the aboriginals never had saw white people before and we never saw really aboriginals before. I don’t know what they think about us but they make strange sounds and gestures. Donovan said: “I think they want to show us something “. Dani answer: “I think your right”. “How we can explain the aboriginals that we understand what they mean?” Ruby asks. Donovan wanted to say something but in this moment the aboriginals, who have an odd gait, go away. I was wondering why they do this but Dani said: „I think we needn’t do this. Look! “. She showed with the finger to the 3 aboriginals and I understood why the aboriginals go away. “Come on” Donovan said and followed the aboriginals. We followed his example. They bring us to a little hut and inside the hut were an old woman and a little child, who coughed, on something which looks like a bed (with many fantasies). The old woman talked with one of the 3 other aboriginal’s and then she showed with the finger on the child. Maybe they think we are gods or whatever but I’m sure that the aboriginals want that we cure the child. Probably the little aboriginal only has flu or a cold. Nothing in our world but here it can mean the death. I talk with my people what we can do but nobody has an answer. I hate my for this but we go away without a statement. The aboriginals do nothing as we go. I don´t know why but I think it’s good so. I can’t sleep the other days and in our last night we drive to the hut but there wasn’t a child inside the hut . Today , after our trip, we see the world with other eyes. Everything worth more and I think better about my life.

[Duckduck]

Hi Du und willkommen im Forum!

Bevor ich daran gehe, die Fehler zu korrigieren, möchte ich Dich freundlich darauf hinweisen, dass ich inhaltlich erhebliche Schwieirigkeiten mit Deiner Geschichte habe.
Die Darstellung der Ureinwohner ist vollkommen unrealistisch und ich möchte fast sagen - sicher unbeabsichtigt von Dir - fast rassistisch. Da ich bei der Korrektur ja den Inhalt nicht einfach verändern kann, melde Dich doch bitte nochmal, damit darüber Einigkeit besteht, OK?!

Grüße
Duckduck