Ich bitte euch um Korrektur (Stärken u. Schwächen,Praktikum)

Alles zum Abitur und zur Sekundarstufe I.
Tips for Exams (A-level/Year 10).
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xCr7x
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Ich bitte euch um Korrektur (Stärken u. Schwächen,Praktikum)

Beitrag von xCr7x »

Erst einmal Hallo,
ich bin bin neu hier und besuche die 10 Klasse einer Gesamtschule in NRW.
[Englisch Erweiterungs Kurs (E-Kurs) bzw. realschul Niveau)

Könntet ihr bitte folgenden Text korrigieren, denn ich schreibe am Freitag eine Klassenarbeit über das Thema:
Schreiben:
-Stärken und Schwächen meinerseits (z.B Stärke: Teamfähigkeit...; Schwäche: Faul...)
- Über meine Praktika kurz berichten
- Leseversten
- Wortschatz (Lückentext)
Die Klassenarbeit ist die letze Arbeit nach der zp10 (Zentrale Abschluss Prüfung) und ich muss diese mindestens mit der Note 2 schreiben, um meine Qualifikation für die Oberstufe zu bekommen. Deswegen bitte ich euch den Text zu korrigieren und mir evtl. Verbesserungsvorschläge zu geben.



My Name is John ****, I am 16 years old and visit the comprehensive school **** in ****.
My expected school graduation is the FOR with the Qualification to make my Abitur (A-level).
My plans for the next three years are to hold my grades and get my Abitur with a good average (2.0+).


I am in the class 10A and my class teachers are Mr.**** and Mrs. ****.
My favorite subjects are sport, history, technics and of course english with Mr.****.
My weak subjects are maths, english and art.
Sadly I am bad at learing languages and also not talented in maths.
My favorite teachers are Mr.****, Mr.**** (even though he is sometimes like an alien) and Mrs. ****.


My friends and employers concider me as a helpful, sporty , communicative, powerful and nice person. So i have the strength to in a team.
In addition I am punctual at school or at work, reliable if my teacher or my employer give me a order. Furthemore I can say about me, that I am very through, for example all my school folders and exercise books are very good led. Also I am creative and do my work with eare. I will always be the first and I try to make no mistakes.
To my additional skills can i rank, that I can cope with stressful situations and have a predetermined discipline, because i work in a restaurant and did two work experiences.


My first work expericnce was at the car workshop BMW in Düsseldorf. I learned there how to repair cars.
For example I was able to change the oil or to change the winter tires against summer tires. Or to repair the components form the engine with the help from my colleagues.
The other work experience was at the Volksbank in Düsseldorf. There I learned to commuicate with customers and how to use the money counting machine.
In both experiences I got a very good feedback, the employers gave me a reward.


My dreamjob is to play football as a pro for real madrid or for bayern munich.
But that is a dream, so i like to do a sporty job, I love sport. Because I do it every day, in a club or in my freetime.

For example, sport teacher or police officer is a good sporty job.
Or I like to be a plane pilot, if I find in the past a rich person who can sponsor the fly license.
But before I start to work, I have to spend a lot of my time to learn english with Mr.****.
Indeed it is a long and difficult way, but who knows?
Maybe it happen and I can speak someday better english than Mr.****, because I enjoy and accept challenges daily.



[****= Zensierung der Namen]
Falls jemand zuende gelesen hat, an dieser Stelle ein dankeschön im voraus!
PS: Könntet ihr mir auch bitte einige Textanfänge/ Sätze auflisten?
MfG




Delfino
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Re: Ich bitte euch um Korrektur (Stärken u. Schwächen,Prakti

Beitrag von Delfino »

xCr7x hat geschrieben:Hallo erst einmal,
ich bin bin neu hier und besuche die 10 Klasse einer Gesamtschule in NRW.
[Englisch Erweiterungskurs (E-Kurs) bzw. Realschulniveau)
Könntet ihr bitte folgenden Text korrigieren, denn ich werde am Freitag
eine Klassenarbeit über das Thema schreiben:

- meine Stärken und Schwächen (z.B Stärke: Teamfähigkeit...; Schwäche: Faulheit...)
- Über meine Praktika kurz berichten
- Leseversten
- Wortschatz (Lückentext)

Die Klassenarbeit ist die letze Arbeit nach der ZP10 (Zentrale Abschluss
prüfung)
und ich muss diese mindestens mit der Note 2 schreiben, um meine Qualifikation
für die Oberstufe zu bekommen. Deswegen bitte ich euch den Text zu korrigieren
und mir evtl. Verbesserungsvorschläge zu geben.


My Name is John ***, I am 16 years old and attend the ***, a comprehensive school in ***.
This year I will be graduating with a secondary school certificate which will allow me
to continue my education by studying for my Abitur (equivalent to A-levels).

My plans for the next three years are to hold my grades and get my Abitur with a good grade average (2.0+).

Currently, I am in the class 10A and my main classes are taught by my teachers Mr.*** and Mrs. ***.
My favourite subjects are sport, history, technology and of course English with Mr.***.
Unfortunately, I am not good at learning languages and also not very talented in maths or art.
Although Mr.*** is a bit strange sometimes he is one of my favourite teachers along with Mr.*** and Mrs. ***.

My friends and employers consider me to be an open, helpful, athletic and nice person.
This helps me to work well in a team. In addition, I am always on time, reliable and obedient
(at school and at work). Furthe
rmore, I can say about me, that I am very thorough, for example
all my school folders and exercise books are
neat and very carefully filled out.
Also I am creative and do my work with ea
se. I will always try to make no mistakes.
My additional skills are that I can cope well with stressful situations and have good discipline,
because
I work in a restaurant and gained work experience in two other jobs.

My first job was at a BMW car workshop in Düsseldorf. That is where I learned how to repair cars.
For example, I was able to change the oil, to change the winter tires against summer tires and
to repair the components
of the engine with the help of my colleagues.

My next
job was at the Volksbank in Düsseldorf. There I learned to communicate with customers
and how to use the
bank's money counting machine.

In both
cases I received very good feedback, and the employers rewarded me for my good work.

My dream job is to play football as a professional for Real Madrid or for Bayern Muenchen.
But that is a dream, although I do like to do a job that utilises my good physique, and I love sport.
I do
exercise every day - either at a sports club or at a gym in my free time.
Therefore, I can see myself as a sport teacher or police officer.
Or I would like to be an airplane pilot, if I can find a rich person who pays for my flying lessons and my pilot's licence.
Before I start my flight training, I would have to spend a lot of my time learning English with Mr.***.
This is i ndeed a long and difficult way, but who knows? Maybe it will happen.
Someday I
might be able to speak English as good as Mr.***, because I enjoy to accept challenges on a daily basis.


[*** = Anonymisierung der Namen]

Falls jemand zu ende gelesen hat, an dieser Stelle ein Dankeschön im Voraus!

PS: Könntet ihr mir auch bitte einige Textanfänge / Sätze auflisten?

MfG


FOR = Fachoberschulreife (mit dem Bestehen der 10. Klasse?)
Realschulabschluss = secondary school certificate

See also
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index ... 819AAQr0lR
...is supplied without liability.
IELTS 7 Good user: operational command, occasional inaccuracies

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