Bewerbung auf Englisch - bitte korrigieren. Danke sehr!

Hier könnt ihr Sätze und kurze Texte zum Korrigieren einstellen.
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mfb
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 1
Registriert: 16. Aug 2011 14:38
Muttersprache: Deutsch

Bewerbung auf Englisch - bitte korrigieren. Danke sehr!

Beitrag von mfb »

Dear Ms. XX:

Enclosed I send you my complete application documents in order to recommend myself for the position of Internal Communications Specialist. As a “thoroughbred” communicator with the ability to convey ideas and information trenchantly as well as deep passion for technology, my particular expertise lies in the area of conception, management and execution of communication projects.

Currently, I am working as a Project Manager at XX AG, Hamburg. Leading a small team in concert with a Consultant, I contributed to the successful completion of diverse customers’ annual (group) reports. In this course, I harnessed my technical understanding for example to support the designers of our team with typographical operations using the editing system WoodWing.

Prior to this, I worked as a Product Manager at XX GmbH, Suhl for about three years. Whilst acting as liaison between marketing, sales, IT and external service providers for the advancement of the company’s products, I gained extensive experience in communication advisory – in the scope of my marketing controlling responsibilities also data driven. In addition to my communications tasks, such as writing product sheets and Q&As, I took over – for example writing a 60-page company profile – corporate communications in English nearly entirely.

Prior to this, I joined XX GmbH, Hamburg, subsidiary of XX Ltd., Theale, UK, where I helped to set up the regional marketing of the company. During my six-year activity at this world-leading vendor of content security solutions, I was responsible for the implementation of the integrated communications strategy within the region of CEE, in particular GSA. In this course, I helped forge strong business relationships with stakeholders, for example in the context of a partner and a “customer showcase” program.

Dovetailing my extensive market-oriented communications skills – recently augmented and refined by a further education in Business-NLP – with my perception of employees as “internal customers” and – with this synthesis – to help establishing a “common philosophy of communication” appears particularly appealing to me. And in the scope of the emphasis on marketing, auditing & trusts and statistics during my successfully completed business studies at University of Hamburg, I regard the collaboration with XX GmbH as a special personal challenge.

I am looking forward to meeting you personally and to be able to convince you of my skills. For a confidential treatment of my application I would be grateful.

Sincerely yours,




Delfino
Anglo Veteran
Beiträge: 1606
Registriert: 3. Jul 2008 14:35
Muttersprache: German
Wohnort: UK

Re: Bewerbung auf Englisch - bitte korrigieren. Danke sehr!

Beitrag von Delfino »

mfb hat geschrieben:Dear Ms. XX:

Enclosed I send you my complete application documents in order to recommend myself for the position of Internal Communications Specialist. As a “thoroughbred” communicator with the ability to convey ideas and information trenchantly as well as deep passion for technology, my particular expertise lies in the area of conception, management and execution of communication projects.

Currently, I am working as a Project Manager at XX AG, Hamburg. Leading a small team in concert with a Consultant, I contributed to the successful completion of diverse customers’ annual (group) reports. In this course, I harnessed my technical understanding for example to support the designers of our team with typographical operations using the editing system WoodWing.

Prior to this, I worked as a Product Manager at XX GmbH, Suhl for about three years. Whilst acting as liaison between Marketing, Sales, IT and external service providers for the advancement of the company’s products, I gained extensive experience in communication advisory – in the scope of my marketing controlling responsibilities also data driven. In addition to my communications tasks, such as writing product sheets and Q&As, I took over (parts of) corporate communications. For example, I wrote nearly an entire 60-page company profile in English.

Prior to this, I joined XX GmbH, Hamburg, a subsidiary of XX Ltd., Theale, UK, where I helped to set up the regional marketing of the company. During my six-year activity at this world-leading vendor of content security solutions, I was responsible for the implementation of the integrated communications strategy within the region of CEE, in particular GSA. In this course, I helped forge strong business relationships with stakeholders, for example in the context of a partner and a “customer showcase” program.

Dovetailing my extensive market-oriented communications skills – recently augmented and refined by a further education in Business-NLP – with my perception of employees as “internal customers” and – with this synthesis – to help establishing a “common philosophy of communication” appears particularly appealing to me.
And in the scope of the emphasis on marketing, auditing & trusts and statistics during my successfully completed business studies at University of Hamburg, I regard the collaboration with XX GmbH as a special personal challenge.

I am looking forward to meeting you personally and to be able to convince you of my skills. For a confidential treatment of my application I would be grateful.

Sincerely yours,
I am not sure if you still need it, but I highlighted some issues...

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/thoroughbred
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/trenchantly
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dovetailing

:watch: You also use several very long sentences which is very uncommon in English.
...is supplied without liability.
IELTS 7 Good user: operational command, occasional inaccuracies

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