Hallo liebe Forum Gemeinde!

Ich würde euch bitten, mir meinen Text auf Fehler zu korrigieren! Von diesem Text hängt es ab, ob ich negativ bin oder nicht und ich stehe vor der Matura! *angst*

Die Aufgabe war eine Analyse des Textes "The Sound Machine" von Roald Dah. Vielen Dank schon mal für eure Hilfe!!!

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The short story „The Sound Machine” was originally published in 1949 in New Delhi by the Penguin Books India. It was written by Roald Dahl. He was born on the 13. September 1916 in Llandaff and he was a Norwegian-Welsh writer, who drafts mainly novels and short stories. He is known because of his black humor.
The story itself is about a man named Klausner, who is the main person of the story. He is a scientist and he invents a sound machine. Klausner looks like a small frail man and his hands are always moving. Furthermore he is nervous and twitchy. His face is smooth and pale and he has pale-grey eyes and wears a pair of steel spectacles. He often talks to himself especially while working and he is obsessed by his great invention. The second person of the story is Mr. Scott, a doctor and he invites Klausner to look after his aching throat. He is a tall, friendly and polite man. Klausner wants to convince the doctor of his invention. At last there is Mrs. Saunders, who is the neighbor of Klausner but she is less important. She thinks that her neighbor is a rather peculiar person.

The narrator tells the story in a chronological order and his perspective is very objective. The main part is a narrative and there are also dialogues. At the beginning of the story he doesn’t give us many information of the real action. He only shows us that Klausner is working on something obsessively and that he is speaking to himself. At this moment you are under the impression that Klausner is a crazy amateur scientist and a little bit mad. Later, the narrator tells the reader about Klausner’s invention which is a sound machine. With this one he is able to listen to the noise of the plants which he found out while he is listening to Mrs. Saunders who is cutting her roses. When he finds out that it works, the narrator shows us how excited Klausner is. He breathes loudly and quickly through his mouth. There are other situations where the narrator clarifies us with many adjectives how the characters are feeling so you have a clear image of the persons and the situations. At the end he shows us clearly how crazy Klausner is about the sound machine. He calls the doctor early in the morning to convince him that his machine is working while he is hitting the tree with an axe. He wants the doctor to put on the earphones and to listen. The narrator shows us that Klausner doesn’t give thanks to Mr. Scott although he comes to him early in the morning so he is an egoistic man. He doesn’t consider other persons but he wants the doctor to paint the cut with iodine and check on the tree tomorrow. He gives us also the impression that Klausner is a lonely man and he has no trust in any person but the doctor and that he is afraid because of the nature. The end of the story is open and the reader doesn’t know how it continues and whether Mr. Scott heard any noise.

The tension of the story rises from the beginning to the middle of the story as the reader gets to know that Klausner invents a sound machine and that it works. At this moment the story reaches the climax and at the end the tension decreases. The story takes place in the little shed of Klausner, in his garden and at the end in the park. The main symbol and the main theme of it is the sound machine. Another theme is the relationship of Klausner and his environment. In the story he has only contact with two people and he is afraid of the nature because he hears the pain of the plants when he tries his invention.

Bitte verwende im Englischen kürzere Sätze, dann mußt du dir auch keine Gedanken über die Kommasetzung machen.
Kurzformen (doesn't) sind in Aufsätzen meist auch nicht erwünscht und reduzieren außerdem die Anzahl der Wörter.

So, da habe ich auch noch mal drin rumgetippt. Gute Analyse, finde ich, aber ich habe nicht ganz verstanden, wie Du das Angst haben vor der Natur belegst. Wenn er die Schmerzen hören kann, hätte er doch vielleicht eher Mitleid, oder? Ich meine jedenfalls, das hast Du gut gemacht und Delfinos Korrektur ist auch 1a!

Grüße
Duckduck