Short story

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Don Dino
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 3
Registriert: 14. Mai 2006 21:12
Muttersprache: Bosnisch
Wohnort: Neumünster

Short story

Beitrag von Don Dino »

Huhu Leuts. Das hier ist ne selbstgeschriebene short story und mir geht es eher um den Inhalt und Ausdruck als um Grammatik oder Rechtschreibung. Ich mag kreatives schreiben und ganz besonders auf Englisch :P

Die hier habe ich für einen ausm English Grundkurs im 13. Jahrgang geschrieben und er hat nette 14 Pkt dafür kassiert.

Mich interessiert nun was ihr von der Geschichte haltet. Ich kann ja schlecht zu seiner Lehrerin gehen ;) Danke fürs Feedback.


PS: Ist vielleicht etwas lang...




My birthday in the year 2163

Maybe you would expect someone to send you some greetings because it is your birthday but I don't. What's the point of celebrating your birthday if you were never born. I envy those who were born. Everyone of them should think of it and be happy that he had a childhood and experienced such lovely things like the first bike, the first day in school, the first love...I've never been to school, but I'm a teacher. I've never ridden a bike but I know how to do it. I've never fallen in love and still I don't know what it feels like. I guess I won't ever know because it's too late now. I won't go further into it now in order not to confuse you. First I have to tell you my story to make you able to understand the whole of it.
30 years ago I woke up and couldn't remember anything. I tried to concentrate but there was nothing. I didn't notice that some strange people were watching me. I took a look at where I am and there I was, in some kind of laboratory, naked and a dozen people staring at me. They turned out to be doctors. One of them came closer and wanted to know if I was alright. Well I've been alright but I wasn't able to remember anything. Not a single thing. I didn't know who I am or where I am from. It was like my brain had just started to work and in the end I recognzied that it was right.
They told me that somebody had found me in the forests and that I should be thankful that I was still alive. They said that I got amnesia and that my memories will come back. Maybe in the next few minutes but it's also possible that I won't remeber anything of my past for the next few years. They told me who I am and that I am a teacher. I'm teaching English in Boras in Sweden and I'm not married. They couldn't find any relative either. It was a kind of depressing but I kept hoping that I'll be able to remeber someone one day. This never happened because there is nobody to remember. Now I've been working for 30 years as a teacher and almost every day I tried to find a hint which may lead me to my past but I failed. I never found anything but information which I already received at the hospital and at work. I am teacher, teaching English in Boras since 2160. I've never been married and I'm a loner. No friends, no relatives, not even a pet! They could have at least given me a dog or something...
I don't want to make you wait any longer. I've never been born because they created me. I'm not a machine but I'm not human either. I'm just an experiment of the human race. They took some elements, put them together, made me look like a man and gave me a chip which works like a brain. Then they released me and prepared everything to make me believe that they were doctors and that I was found in the forests and of course that I have amnesia.
Noone of us is supposed to find this out but I am pretty old now and there is no money to feed retired experiments like me. That's why they told me the truth. I was looking forward to my retirement and now I know that I won't ever experience it. There was a lack of English teachers in Sweden and then they just made some new ones. Now I'm not able to go on with work any longer and they don't have any further use for me so they plan to shut down the chip which works in my head to put it in another new created body. Without this chip my own body doesn't work. It will be waste and disposed like some other biological waste. They will install this chip in a new body and tell him the same story which they told me. I've never been thinking about a rebirth but this seems to be a very sarcastic way of it. This new experiment will get the same information I got and he will react the same way I did. He will be teacher in Boras and stay alone until his very last day. And then he will get to know everything I just told you. Now tell me. Am I going to die? If I was human I would be able to die, but am I? Or am I a machine? Then I can't die. It's called shut down when you talk of machines. The last possibility is to regard me as an experiment. Then I'm not going to die and not going to be shut down either. As long as they keep producing us the experiment which I am a part of won't die and as long as this experiment is alive nothing dies or is shut down. That's also the way the law looks at it. I am not going to die. I'm just going to be recycled like some can or something. Of course there are demonstrators trying to change the governments mind but they are getting fewer and fewer. More and more people get used to it and that's why you won't ever hear anything of me again. It is a kind of depressing but there is no way to escape. They can locate me because of this chip in my head. The only way would be suicide but how to kill me if I can't die.......




Gast

Beitrag von Gast »

I have read your story and I have to say that it’s pretty good. While reading it, I was also thinking about “Data” from Star Trek and in the end about “Duane Fitzegerald”, retired experiment of the army and protagonist of Eschbachs novel “Der letzte seiner Art”…

Your story contains a lot of good ideas - and I especially like the end of it (… bot how to kill me if I can’t die) !


There are only two aspect which aren’t really fitting together:

1. On the one hand you say that the I-narrator is working “for 30 years as a teacher” but on the other hand you mention that he is teaching since 2160”. With the story taking place in the year 2163, he could only be a teacher for 3 years. As you see, there is a little mistake.

2.The protagonist says he would be pretty old now; but I don’t think that 30 years are pretty old for a machine, which can’t die. (30 years ago I woke up and couldn’t remember = “birth” -> 30 years old)

Don Dino
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 3
Registriert: 14. Mai 2006 21:12
Muttersprache: Bosnisch
Wohnort: Neumünster

Beitrag von Don Dino »

Martin hat geschrieben:I have read your story and I have to say that it’s pretty good. While reading it, I was also thinking about “Data” from Star Trek and in the end about “Duane Fitzegerald”, retired experiment of the army and protagonist of Eschbachs novel “Der letzte seiner Art”…

Your story contains a lot of good ideas - and I especially like the end of it (… bot how to kill me if I can’t die) !


There are only two aspect which aren’t really fitting together:

1. On the one hand you say that the I-narrator is working “for 30 years as a teacher” but on the other hand you mention that he is teaching since 2160”. With the story taking place in the year 2163, he could only be a teacher for 3 years. As you see, there is a little mistake.

2.The protagonist says he would be pretty old now; but I don’t think that 30 years are pretty old for a machine, which can’t die. (30 years ago I woke up and couldn’t remember = “birth” -> 30 years old)
Hey thx for your comment.

I wonder why you are the first one to notice the year thing....I'll fix that.

The other thing is...This teacher is not a real machine. It's a human body which was "created" but there's a chip in his head which is supposed to be something like a brain. Although he is only 30 years old his body is much older.

Gast

Beitrag von Gast »

So the body is always taken again to put a new chip in and this chip constits the "life-data", which is "aging" (yeah, not really, but in a certain way)?

But this creates a new problem: Just think about the technical progress in let's say 30 years: Imagine the year 1976 and today and think of the huge techincal progress (f.ex. computers).

Would it really make sense to take the same very old-fashioned "body" to put a new chip in? Just think about computers: (perfect example :D ) Would you install on an old Amiga-computer actual software like "Windows XP"? No, you won't. It won't work - or there would be a lot of complications...

Don't understand me wrong - I'm not trying to _____ [ :tup: looking for the right word - I Don't even know it in German :shock:] let's say to make your story looking like being unbelivable - or my argumentation is just going too much in detail;

but anyway -in my opinion :roll: - this "recycling"-point does not really match together.

Don Dino
Bilingual Newbie
Beiträge: 3
Registriert: 14. Mai 2006 21:12
Muttersprache: Bosnisch
Wohnort: Neumünster

Beitrag von Don Dino »

I guess i didn't write everything down what I've been thinking of. I was thinking of bodies created in some kind of laboratories. The only thing that is going to be "recycled" is the chip in his brain. There is one passage in the text talking about that:
Now I'm not able to go on with work any longer and they don't have any further use for me so they plan to shut down the chip which works in my head to put it in another new created body. Without this chip my own body doesn't work. It will be waste and disposed like some other biological waste.
The chip is going to be resetted(You got the knowledge to be a teacher and you are able to live a normal life. It's just that there are no memories) and then put into another body. "recycled" was just a kind of sarcastic way to describe that he won't exist any longer but there is a part of him which will be used again and again(chip -> recycling).

Gast

Beitrag von Gast »

so exactly the other way round?

well then I do have to agree that it's matching together :wink:

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