Essay

[K4rtoffel]

Hallo!

Könnte sich bitte jemand meinen kurzen Aufsatz ansehen und mir sagen, ob etwas korrigiert werden muss?

I had my first english education in 2002, when I attended the secondary modern school in xy for four years. In this school the pupils were scaled in two groups of english skill levels. I was scaled in the more ambitious group and I have learned very much in this 4 years. We did a lot of grammar excercises, vocabulary and irregular verbs tests, weekly home excercises and we had two bigger tests per semester. The only thing I have to criticize is that we didn´t talk very much except the teacher himself. So my talking and pronunciation skill could not improve as good as my grammar, vocabulary and writing skills.

After this 4 years I had to make a far-reaching decision about my next steps in life. Should I attend a secondary school for five more years to get a general quaflification for university entrance or should I attend a vocational school (Polytechnische Schule) for one year and after this to start a apprenticeship for three years. I wanted to earn money soon, so I decided for the second option. At the vocational school the english education wasn´t pretty good because the average skill level of the pupils wasn´t good. So I sadly couldn´t improve my english skills in this year. Then, it was 2007, I started a commercial apprenticeship at xy. It was a dual education system. Four days per week I was trained at the company and one day per week I attended the vocational business school (Berufsschule) in xy. Unfortunately, the english education level in this school also was not that good. So we just repeated the grammar basics year by year. But the good thing was that I have learned new business vocabularies there. Furthermore we wrote applications and other business messages in english. That was cool.

In 2010 I finished the apprenticeship and worked for one more year at xy in the bookkeeping department. But I wanted to do new stuff and so I decided to attend a study authorization course (Studienberechtigungslehrgang) for one year at the university and there I had english lessons again. But happily the education level was much better than the years before. So we talked a lot in class and did lots of excercises and wrote some essays. I passed the study authorization more than three years ago and since this time I didn´t talk in english very often. But I am sure that I can improve my english skill in your course again!

Vielen Dank im Voraus!

[Schuyler]

I first began my English education in 2002, when I attended the secondary modern school in xy for four years. At this school, the pupils were split into two groups according to their English skill level. I was placed in the more ambitious group, and I have learned a great deal in those 4 years. We did a lot of grammar exercises, vocabulary and irregular verb tests, weekly home exercises and we had two bigger tests in each semester. The only thing I have to criticize is that apart from the teacher himself, we didn't talk very much in English. So, my speaking and pronunciation skills could not improve as much as my grammar, vocabulary and writing skills.

After those 4 years, I had to make an important decision about my next step in life. Should I attend a secondary school for five more years to get a general qualification for entry into university or should I attend a vocational school (Polytechnische Schule) for one year and after that to start an apprenticeship for three years? I wanted to start earning money sooner, so I decided on the second option. At the vocational school, the English classes weren't very good because the average skill level of the pupils wasn't good. So I sadly couldn't improve my English skills very much in that year. Then it was 2007 and I started a commercial apprenticeship at xy. It was a dual education system. Four days a week I was trained at the company, and one day a week I attended the vocational business school (Berufsschule) at xy. Unfortunately, the quality of the English education at this school was not that good, either: we just repeated the grammar basics every year. But the good thing was that I have learned new business vocabulary there. Furthermore, we wrote applications and other business papers in English. That was cool.

In 2010, I finished the apprenticeship and worked for one more year at xy in the bookkeeping department. But I wanted to do new things and so I decided to attend a study authorization course (Studienberechtigungslehrgang) for one year at the university, and there I took English lessons again. But happily, the education quality there was much better than what I had experienced the years before. So We talked a lot in class, did many exercises and wrote some essays. I passed the study authorization more than three years ago and since then I have not spoken in English very much. But I am sure that I can improve my English skills in your course again!

Soll das ein formeller Aufsatz sein? (Das Ende klingt als ob du dich vielleicht für etwas bewerbst?)
Wenn ja, dann würde ich vorschlagen, das Ausrufezeichen am Ende mit einem Punkt zu ersetzen und die Frage im zweiten Absatz zu einem Aussagesatz zu wechseln (z.B. "I had to decide whether I should attend a secondary school for five more years to get a general qualification for entry into university or attend a vocational school for one year and after that start an apprenticeship for three years.")
Das "That was cool" ist auch sehr informell: formeler wäre etwas wie "That was a rewarding [oder 'enjoyable', 'useful', usw.] experience."

Da ich mit diesem Thema nicht so vertraut bin, bin ich auch nicht sicher, ob "study authorization course" die richtige Übersetzung für "Studienberechtigungslehrgang" ist, aber ich glaube nicht. "University entrance course", vielleicht?

[tiorthan]

Soll das ein formeller Aufsatz sein? (Das Ende klingt als ob du dich vielleicht₁ für etwas bewirbst?)
Wenn ja, dann würde ich vorschlagen, das Ausrufezeichen am Ende durch₂ einem Punkt zu ersetzen und die Frage im zweiten Absatz in einen Aussagesatz zu ändern (z.B. "I had to decide whether I should attend a secondary school for five more years to get a general qualification for entry into university or attend a vocational school for one year and after that start an apprenticeship for three years.")
Das "That was cool" ist auch sehr informell: formeller₄ wäre etwas wie "That was a rewarding [oder 'enjoyable', 'useful', usw.] experience."

Da ich mit diesem Thema nicht so vertraut bin, bin ich auch nicht sicher, ob "study authorization course" die richtige Übersetzung für "Studienberechtigungslehrgang" ist, aber ich glaube nicht. "University entrance course", vielleicht?

1 - Dieses "vielleicht" ist nicht falsch, aber die Verwendung in Sätzen mit "als ob" ist eine Eigenheit, die mir bei vielen amerikanischen Englischsprechern auffällt, wenn sie deutsch sprechen.

"klingt als ob" means something along the lines of: I know what it sounds like but I don't know the writer's intent
"klingt als ob vielleicht" is more like: I'm not sure of the writer's intent and I cannot quite pinpoint what it sounds like.

2 - "Durch" ist die standardkonforme Präposition. "Mit" wird aber umgangssprachlich auch benutzt.

3 - "Wechseln" war verständlich aber eigentlich das falsche Wort. Das Verb "wechseln" wird eher in feststehenden Zusammenhängen benutzt also zum Beispeil "Geld wechseln" oder "Reifen wechseln" usw. Wenn man über Sprache spricht, dann ist ändern oder austauschen/ersetzen besser geeignet.

4 - "Informell" und "formell" werden eigentlich seltener benutzt. Der Duden ordnet die beiden Wörter der Kategorie bildungssprachlich zu, also einer bestimmten Fachsprache. Deshalb gibt es ein gewisses Risiko, dass du damit missverstanden werden kannst. An Stelle von "informell" würde ich meistens umgangssprachlich sagen.
"Formell" ist besser verständlich, weil es ähnlich wie "förmlich" klingt. Das letztere würde ich auch meist benutzen.

[K4rtoffel]

Zu erst mal Dankeschön für die Tipps bzw. Korrekturen!
Es handelt sich zwar nicht um einen formellen Aufsatz aber der "That was cool" Satz ist wohl wirklich irgendwie unpassend.